Swell & Dandy

Autumnal Inspirations

2011-09-23T08:30:00.000+01:00

As the leaves begin to change colours, so does the dandy change his wardrobe. Here is a montage of photographs (we do not own these photographs, no copyright infringement intended) to help inspire your wardrobe this season. Do feel free to lose yourself in imagination.

The Art of Diction According to Jeeves and Wooster

2011-09-22T21:08:00.001+01:00

Set in 1930s England and America, P.G. Wodehouse's 'Jeeves' stories in addition to the television series based on the former are riddled with charming, archaic English terminology and phrases. We have compiled a list of essentials with their definitions and explanations. Feel free to slip them into every-day conversation to keep your friends on their toes.

Agog - (adj) Very eager or curious to hear or see something: "I'm all agog to see the Duchess' new hat."

Bally - (adj) bloody, damned [mild explicative]: "Get that bally dog out of the kitchen!"

To be all atwitter - (v) To be anxious or excited about something: "The Mater has been all a twitter ever since Mrs. Nelson told her the news about the Duke of Edinburgh."

To be dashed - (v) To be confounded; used interchangeably with to be damned: "Well, I'll be dashed!"

To biff - (v) To strike or to punch: "If you don't remove your elbows from the table I shall biff you."

Blighter - (n) A fellow, especially one held in low esteem: "He's a silly blighter, isn't he?"

Blithering - (adj) Senselessly talkative, babbling; used chiefly as an intensive to express annoyance or contempt: "Mister Hooper, you are such a blithering idiot."

By Jove! - (interj) [used as a mild oath to express surprise or emphasis]

Chap - (n) A man or a boy.

Chin-chin - (interj) [used as a greeting or as a toast when drinking to someones health]

Cross-patch -(n) A bad-tempered or irritable person: "O, don't be such a cross-patch, Charles."

Dash - (adv) A mild form of damn: "That was dash cunning of you."

Dashed - (adj) A mild form of damned, derived from dash: "The dashed thing doesn't work!"

Dash it all! - (interj) [used to express angry or dismay; interchangeable with damn it]

Drivel - (n) Silly nonsense; "How can you say such drivel?"

Frightful - (adj) [used for emphasis, esp. of something bad]

Frightfully- (adv) Very (used for emphasis): "I'm frightfully sorry."

To get it in the neck - (v) To be punished or criticised for something: "She really gave it to me in the neck when I arrived late for dinner."

Humdrum - (adj) Lacking variety or excitement; dull: "I don't want to go to school, Mummy, maths is so humdrum."

I say! - (interj) [used to express surprise or disgruntlement; often interchangeable with O my!]

Jolly well - (adv) very much; a phrase used for emphasis or enthusiasm: "I jolly well hope so!"

Look here! - (interj) [used to express disgruntlement or agitation with a person or persons]: "Look here, you swine! What do you think you're doing?"

Milksop - (n) A weak or ineffectual person; whimp: "Don't be such a milksop, Spencer, it's only a kitten."

Old man - (n) [term of endearment used in informal direct address]

Old thing - (n) [term of endearment used in informal direct address]

Pipped - (adj) To get the better of; defeat.

Positively- (adv) Very (used for emphasis): "How positively lovely!"

Right-o - (interj) [used to express cheerful concurrence, assent, or understanding]

Ripping - (adj) excellent, delightful: "What a positively ripping sweater you're wearing, Bernard!"

Rot - (n) nonsense [often used interjectionally]: "What rot!"

Rummy - (adj) queer, odd: "That was a rummy sort of thing to say, don't you suppose?"

To talk through one's hat - To talk nonsense; especially on a subject that one professes to be knowledgeable about but in fact is ignorant of: "He's never really met Lady Astor, he's just talking through his hat."

That's not cricket - (interj) [used to express dismay at an instance of unfair or ungentlemanly conduct or proceedings]: "Mater, Helen has taken the whole sugar dish and refuses to share. It just isn't cricket!"

Tight as an owl - (adj) drunk

Toodle-pip - (interj) good-bye, so long

What ho!- (interj) [exclamatory greeting, like saying what's up]

What? - (interj) [used as a tag question, often to solicit agreement]: "Evelyn Waugh must be the greatest author of the century, what?"

What’s-it - (n) a gadget or other thing for which the speaker does not know or has forgotten the name

With knobs on - (adv/adj) Extremely; in a similar way, but taken to an extreme: "The same to you with knobs on!"

Contributors Wanted

2011-09-12T20:56:00.000+01:00

In order to improve the regularity of its postings, Swell & Dandy is seeking aspiring journalists to contribute articles for publication. Both regular Staff Writer and irregular Contributing Author positions are available in the following areas of interest: Ladies' Interests, Gentlemen's Fashion (WASP/Ivy Style/Young-Fogey), and Victoriana.

Please contact our editor, Mister Percival Devante, at swellanddandy@gmail.com with the following information to express interest:

Name:
Age:
Education:
Area(s) of Interest:
Experience:
Additional Comments:

All applicants shall be contacted. All published works will be credited to their author. We reserve the right to reject and/or edit all writings to be published. Please take this opportunity to improve Swell & Dandy and also to have your writings published to our broad audience.

Virtues: Reservation

2011-07-13T14:01:00.000+01:00

RESERVATION. Keep your emotions to yourself; do not hastily offer opinions.

The thirteenth and final of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is reservation. Reservation is the quality of knowing when to keep to oneself; knowing when to be quiet.

The gentleman keeps to himself. He is a private individual, removed from the rest of the world. He likes to keep an air of mystery about him, keeping his private thoughts, feelings, emotions, &c. to himself. He does not complain or argue and never gives input on controversial topics in mixed company.

Tip: Remember the old proverb attributed to Abraham Lincoln: Better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt. Keep yourself above the fray. It is beneath you to reveal your inner-most thoughts and opinions to just anyone. Maintain a veil of mystery, keeping distant from other people, excluding a small circle of close friends and family.

Model: King Solomon. Great biblical king of Israel, King Solomon is known even to this day for his unmatched wisdom. Best remembered, perhaps, for his judgement in a custody battle between two women over an infant, Solomon is also known to have written the book of Proverbs. It is here, in Proverbs 17:28, that Solomon in his wisdom gives this advice, which inspired Lincoln: Even a fool, if he will hold his peace shall be counted wise: and if he close his lips, a man of understanding.

Virtues: Fortitude

2011-07-12T20:15:00.000+01:00

FORTITUDE. Maintain a stiff upper lip; do not waiver in your beliefs.

The twelfth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is fortitude. Fortitude is an inner strength, a firm grasp on what one values and believes, and the ability to stand firm in them. Fortitude is perseverance.

The gentleman stands firm. He keeps calm under pressure and in the face of peril or disaster. He takes his troubles head on without complaint. He bears his cross with a sense of duty. He knows that worry is a worthless emotion and instead exerts his energies on a solution.

Tip: Know yourself. Be aware of your abilities and put them to good use. Complaining about problems won't help and neither will worrying. Apply your whole self to solving the problem at hand and never giving up. Change what you can and accept what you cannot.

Model: Sir Winston Churchill. One of Britain's greatest Prime Minister ever, Churchill served the nation as a strong leader during a time when they needed it desperately. He brought Britain through World War II, rallying the people who showed that great British stiff upper-lip through the whole ordeal. Churchill himself said, “Never give in–never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”

Virtues: Thoughtfulness

2011-07-11T21:47:00.018+01:00

THOUGHTFULNESS. Be a philosopher of sorts; be mindful of that which ordinary fellows forget.

The eleventh of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness is the trait of having perception and a strong mind. To be thoughtful is to think better than others.

The gentleman pays attention to details and thinks of others. He remembers all of his duties and carries them out to the best of his abilities. He is clever and knowledgeable as well as creative and imaginative. He thinks of things others do not, remembering the details which are easily forgotten.

Tip: Pay attention to details. That's what makes a gentleman. Grand gestures are wonderful things, but anyone can do something big. Remembering the little details will set you apart from others. Keep your tie straight, your shoes polished, and remember the cuff links. There are little details in every aspect of living that are overlooked by common men. Bring a gift to your host, write thank you notes by hand for each favour. Be prepared to offer a hand where it is least expected.

Model: Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. Prince Albert, consort of Queen Victoria, is a perfect model of thoughtfulness. A perfect gentleman, Prince Albert helped his wife, the Queen, rule the largest empire in the world. He had ideas for reform and improvement within the empire, but also remembered small details, introducing a long-overdue reform of the Royal Household. He allegedly even carried a handkerchief tucked up his sleeve, prepared to offer it at a moment's notice to an emotional damsel.

Virtues: Independence

2011-07-10T11:38:00.000+01:00

INDEPENDENCE. Do not constantly seek the company of others; do not be needy; take time to enjoy the peace of being on one's own.

The tenth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is independence. Independence is the very essence of freedom which stems from relying on no one other than oneself.

A gentleman, despite his social nature, is independent. He is social because he wants to be, not because he needs to be, and he does so more for the benefit of others than for himself. He does not rely on favours or charity. He is his own source. He enjoys, on occasion, to be alone to reflect and meditate.

Tip: Avoid accepting favours. Try to be the source of your own income. Seek to be able to provide as much for yourself as you can without the help of others. Obtain skills that enable you to avoid relying on the service of others. Remember that the less you rely on others the less you owe them in return.

Model: Henry David Thoreau. While we at Swell & Dandy disagree with many of the principles of Thoreau, he certainly mastered the virtue of independence. Thoreau's time at Walden gave him complete and total freedom, dependent upon no one other than himself.

Virtues: Dignity

2011-07-09T20:14:00.000+01:00

DIGNITY. Carry yourself with self-respect and bearing; appreciate the formality and gravity of an occasion.

The ninth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is dignity. Dignity is an aura of grace and majesty which sets one out from all others. It is one of the most important of the aristocratic virtues.

Dignity is a blend of several qualities which, when combined properly, give an air of regality and create a larger-than-life man. Without dignity a man has nothing. The gentleman is proud and strong in his sense of self-worth. He carries himself with bearing and grace. He is majestic. He understands when to be serious and when to be formal. His every move is seemless and smooth. He gives the impression that he is perfect without trying.

Tip: Hide your flaws well. Make everything seem effortless. Sit and walk with back straight and head high. Imagine yourself a king, showing the persona of royal majesty. Speak smoothly and move gracefully. Treat yourself as a masterpiece; every movement is a performance. Work hard to be seemless, but never let on that you are breaking a sweat.

Model: Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom. Queen Victoria reigned from 1837 to 1901. She was a model of the grace and dignity her office requires. She was a strong-willed, elegant woman. She embodied self-discipline and bearing. She was a grand lady with a powerful aura. She had an air of authority which could be felt by all in her presence.

Virtues: Well-Roundedness

2011-07-08T14:29:00.001+01:00

WELL-ROUNDEDNESS. Develop a wide range of skill, interest, and knowledge; be a renaissance man, a jack-of-all-trades.

The eighth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is well-roundedness. Well-roundedness is the possession of knowledge and skill in a variety of fields and topics. The gentleman is a Renaissance man; a jack-of-all-trades.

Being well-rounded makes a gentleman easier to relate to. It gives him more topics in his conversation arsenal and it prevents him from being one-upped by the next fellow. A well-rounded gentleman functions well in any situation because he has a background in everything. He knows how to do a wide range of tasks which many cannot do, making him more efficient. He always appears wise in conversation and can relate to anything. His opinions are well-informed and he is never dull.

Tip: Like with intellect, start with the basics of several different topics, ranging from opposite ends of a spectrum. The wider the variety the better.

Model: Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci. Perhaps the most noteworthy Renaissance man of all time, da Vinci is famous firstly for his paintings. A curious man who yearned constantly for knowledge, da Vinci worked not only as a painter and sculptor, but also as an architect, engineer, musician, scientist, mathematician, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, writer, and botanist. Da Vinci made numerous discoveries and created several concepts far before their time. Unpublished, these concepts and discoveries would be drawn from other sources far later in history.

Virtues: Intellect

2011-07-07T18:46:00.003+01:00

INTELLECT. Cultivate a willingness to learn and understand; possess and refine a superior mind.

The seventh of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is intellect. Intellect is the possession of greater-than-adequate knowledge and the function and use of logic. The gentleman values knowledge and learning for the sake of knowing.

The gentleman yearns to know as much of the world as he can, and so he pursues knowledge passionately. The gentleman is a scholar. He is well versed in poetry and fine liturature as well as philosophy. He is familiar with the sciences and history.

Tip: Start at the beginning. Learn the basics of everything. Everything. From there focus on topics that interest you in each field and learn more about these things. Learn especially Shakespeare and classical philosophy.

Model: Aristotle. Aristotle, the great learned philosopher of ancient Greece was a pupil of Plato and the tutor of Alexander the Great. His thirst for knowledge led him to great heights. He became and expert in biology, zoology, physics, metaphysics, logic, rhetoric, ethics, linguistics, politics, poetry, theatre, and music. His philosophies continue to have a profound influence on Christian theology to-day.

Virtues: Piety

2011-07-06T20:14:00.001+01:00

PIETY. Embrace God and the Church; live according the Church's prescribed principles and values.

The sixth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is piety. Piety is the devout fulfilment of religious obligations out of a love for God. It is not only the state of belonging to an organised religion, but rather a genuine desire to come closer to God through that faith.

A gentleman is pious without being self-righteous or sanctimonious. He is genuine in his devotion to God and the Church. He strives to live according to God's will and repents his shortcomings. To the gentleman, religion only on Sundays is not enough. It is a crucial part of his life, a staple of his culture.

Tips: Know the tenets of the church and follow them. Religion is more than just something to say one belongs to; it is something to be practiced. To be a Christian in name only is hardly any better than to not be a Christian at all.

Model: Sir Thomas More. Lord Chancellor of England, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, and Speaker of the House of Commons, Sir Thomas More was a great statesman and family man. He was a learned gentleman and he quickly rose to success under King Henry VIII, with whom he became quite close. When Henry wanted to divorce his wife and break with the Church of Rome, Sir Thomas held fast to his faith, clinging to the Cross. His faith cost him his life, which he gave up willingly. Sir Thomas More is venerated as a saint in the Roman Catholic and Anglican faiths.

Virtues: Timelessness

2011-07-05T18:07:00.001+01:00

TIMELESSNESS. Do not fall victim to passing fancies; understand that that which was fashionable fifty years ago, and still is, will likely still be fashionable in another fifty years.

The fifth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is timelessness. Timelessness is when one masters the ability to transcend time in dress, speech, and mannerisms.

The gentleman is one who does not go in for fads. The gentleman sticks to styles that have been passed down for generations and will likely be fashionable in the future. Don't be trendy; trends change too quickly to keep up.

Tips: The consumerist world we live in to-day is constantly changing its fashions. Trends are not permanent. Don't invest in them, but rather avoid them. Try to recall what your grandfather wore. Could you still wear it to-day without looking like a fool? Then chances are your grandchildren will be able to wear it later on down the road too. Stick to fashions that don't change and your sense of style will transcend time.

Model: Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire was and is a fashion icon. Astaire favoured the tailors of Savile Row. He knew how to dress traditionally and wore well-fitted suits. What set Astaire apart was his ability to be both timeless and progressive in fashion. He kept it classic, avoiding trends.

Virtues: Culture

2011-07-04T15:11:00.001+01:00

CULTURE. Possess an understanding of the world; be open to trying new things and having new experiences; understand that which is different from yourself.

The fourth of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is culture. Culture is refinement in the arts, etiquette, and scholarly pursuits. It is the knowledge and understanding of the world and the peoples that inhabit it.

A gentleman is well versed in the finer things in life; the arts, haute cuisine, etiquette, et cetera. He is the go-to chap for advice on good wine and the paragon of good manners. He can hold his own around the globe, because he is familiar with the customs of foreign peoples. He knows who he is and understands what makes him different from others.

Tip: Be willing to try new things. Be open minded. Try different wines or eat at different restaurants. Try foreign foods and maybe even foreign films. The more one experiences one has, the better. Study the behaviours of those who are different. Learn why they are different. Understand foreign cultures and religions; it will only strengthen your own beliefs. As the Cole Porter song says, "Experiment".

Model: Marco Polo. Thirteenth century Italian merchant and explorer Marco Polo explored the East including, among other great civilisations, China, Persia, and Acre. Polo was fluent in four languages and gathered a plethora of valuable information from his travels. He experienced many of the cultures of the world. He even earned the patronage of Kublai Khan, Emperor of China in addition to acting as a liason between the Pope and the East. Polo gained wealth and influence through his experiences as well as an important place in history. His descriptions of the Far East even inspired Christopher Columbus.

Virtues: Conventionality

2011-07-03T18:10:00.001+01:00

CONVENTIONALITY. Respect, preserve, and adhere to tradition; find solace in continuity and conservation.

The third of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is conventionality. This virtue is the embrace of conservation. A gentleman is one who understands social norms and keeps them, rather than casting them aside as old fashioned. Aristocracy is tradition, thus it should be governed by tradition. The elite should strive to preserve tradition, for tradition is an important part of their essence, like it or not.

The gentleman is conventional; he is well-versed in Emily Post's work and sticks to the social rules which have governed civilised society for generations. The gentleman, while open-minded, is a conservative traditionalist. He is not quick to change without very good reason. He values continuity.

Tip: The trick to being a good dandy is to know when to stick to convention and when to bend the rules. In dress, for instance, one should never wear brown with black, but adding a bit of falmboyance to one's jewelry when the occasion is fitting will set the dandy apart. It is important that one know the rules and the fashions of the day, but what makes a proper dandy is knowing when to bend the rules and when to go with the flow.

Model: Queen Elizabeth II, Queen of the United Kingdom. Her Majesty, the Queen is a model for convention to-day. In a world that forgets the value of tradition, Her Majesty rigourously maintains the many traditions of the British monarchy which, in the hands of someone less competent, might have been endangered in this modern era.

Virtues: Charm

2011-07-02T10:14:00.001+01:00

CHARM. Master the art of making others comfortable in your presence; cause others to enjoy your companionship.

The second of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is charm. Charm is a complex blend of abilities, encompassing conversation, etiquette, mannerisms, et cetera. In short, charm is the ability to be liked by a wide variety of people and to make them comfortable in ones presence.

Learn all the social graces of the elite, but don't lose touch with the common man. Master the art of conversation and speak well. Strive to be better than other people without coming off as a snob. Confidence is a critical factor, but remember not to descend into arrogance. The purpose of charm is to make people comfortable with you; for them to fall under your spell, not resent you.

Tip: As the old saying goes, when in Rome, do as Romans do. When mingling with different people, learn their habits, likes, opinions, and traits. Mimic them to an extent, though without losing your defining personality quirks. People are flattered when other people share their interests.

Model: Benjamin Disraeli. Tory Prime Minister under Queen Victoria, Disraeli learned to turn on his charisma by trial and error. When finally he mastered it his political career soared; he even managed to charm the Queen herself. The master himself said on the subject of charming in conversation:

Do not talk too much at present; do not try to talk. But whenever you speak, speak with self-possession. Speak in a subdued tone, and always look at the person whom you are addressing. Before one can engage in general conversation with any effect, there is a certain acquaintace withtrifling but amusing subjects which must be first attained. You will soon pick up sufficient by listening and observing. Never argue. In society nothing must be discussed; give only results. If any person differs from you, bow and turn the conversation. In society never think; always be on the watch, or you will miss many opportunities and say many disagreeable things. Talk to women, talk to women as much as you can. This is the best school. This is the way to gain fluency, because you need not care what you say, and had better not be sensible. They, too, will rally you on many points, and as they are women you will not be offended. Nothing is of so much imptorance and of so much use to a young man entering life as to be well criticised by women.

Virtues: Nonchalance

2011-07-01T12:52:00.005+01:00

NONCHALANCE. Keep your passions private; appear carefree, composed, and disinterested at all times; do not show when you are bothered.

The first of the thirteen aristocratic virtues is nonchalance. Nonchalance is the ability to have emotions, passions, and cares without anyone noticing. Any number of colourful expressions could be used to describe the irritation that is the personal opinion, but one need only remember that while one is entitled to one's opinion, and in some cases entitled to express it, one is not entitled to being well-liked. Therefore the gentleman will avoid the topic of politics, religion, and the like in mixed company. Should the topic arise, the gentleman will brush it off with grace and disinterest.

It is important that a gentleman be opinionated, but it is also important that he feign being non-partisan. An aristocrat has social responsibilities to all people across a wide spectrum of opinions and therefore should endeavour to avoid causing offence to others. I gentleman must remember that passions are important, but also personal. In truth, no one else really cares. Try not to bore your guests and colleagues.

One must be stoic, but also light-hearted. A veneer of cool apathy should be used to hide emotions, opinions, and passions. One must appear to be without care. One must master the art of small talk and avoid discussing anything too important outside one's circle of close friends. The gentleman will pretend not to care when he does.

Tip: Talk to others about them, not yourself. Ordinary people love to talk about themselves and this will please them. If you talk about them you will not be tempted to blither about your opinions, interests, and emotions; things which they most likely do not wish to hear. If they bring up their opinions and you should disagree, simply nod and smile. Never argue. If you must discuss yourself, keep it vague and brief, but interesting.

Model: Bertram Wilberforce "Bertie" Wooster. Bertie Wooster, from the Jeeves novels by P.G. Wodehouse is the paragon of nonchalance. Surrounded by wealth, Mister Wooster seems hardly to notice nor care. Despite the many sticky situations he manages to find himself in, he keeps calm and manages to appear carefree. Bertie focuses on the small, insignificant things without showing frustration at the many more pressing issues at hand. When a problem arises, Bertie buckles down and sets out to solve it without expressing distress outwardly in public. Wooster seems at times to be completely unaware of anything bothersome in the world.

More on Virtue

2011-06-27T20:25:00.000+01:00

Beginning 1st July, Swell & Dandy will publish a mini-series of articles based on our Thirteen Aristocratic Virtues. Each day, for thirteen days, in July we will publish a short article expounding upon one of the thirteen virtues. We hope this will aid our readers in their deportment. Good breeding had to start somewhere. We do hope you will enjoy them. Cheers!

P.

The Thirteen Aristocratic Virtues

2011-06-25T03:16:00.012+01:00

Perhaps one of Benjamin Franklin's greatest (and most underrated) efforts was his thirteen virtues. Seeking always to be the best he could be, Franklin developed a list of thirteen crucial virtues by which every man should abide.

Franklin's work has set the frame-work for our second list of crucial virtues. The aristocracy and aspiring gentlemen of the world must hold themselves to a greater standard than that of the common man. Thus he must hold himself accountable for an additional thirteen virtues. Below is a list of the thirteen aristocratic virtues and their explanations.

1. NONCHALANCE. Keep your passions private; appear carefree, composed, and disinterested at all times; do not show when you are bothered.

2. CHARM. Master the art of making others comfortable in your presence; cause others to enjoy your companionship.

3. CONVENTIONALITY. Respect, preserve, and adhere to tradition; find solace in continuity and conservation.

4. CULTURE. Possess an understanding of the world; be open to trying new things and having new experiences; understand that which is different from yourself.

5. TIMELESSNESS. Do not fall victim to passing fancies; understand that that which was fashionable fifty years ago, and still is, will likely still be fashionable in another fifty years.

6. PIETY. Embrace God and the Church; live according the Church's prescribed principles and values.

7. INTELLECT. Cultivate a willingness to learn and understand; possess and refine a superior mind.

8. WELL-ROUNDEDNESS. Develop a wide range of skill, interest, and knowledge; be a renaissance man, a jack-of-all-trades.

9. DIGNITY. Carry yourself with self-respect and bearing; appreciate the formality and gravity of an occasion.

10. INDEPENDENCE. Do not constantly seek the company of others; do not be needy; take time to enjoy the peace of being on one's own.

11. THOUGHTFULNESS. Be a philosopher of sorts; be mindful of that which ordinary fellows forget.

12. FORTITUDE. Maintain a stiff upper lip; do not waiver in your beliefs.

13. RESERVATION. Keep your emotions to yourself; do not hastily offer opinions.

The Wonder That Is The Straw Hat

2011-06-20T19:26:00.001+01:00

Nothing evokes I fond memory of summer quite like a good straw hat. The staple accessory in the dandy's summer wardrobe, straw hats have been around since antiquity and worn consistently in the summer throughout the ages in Asia and Europe.

Straw hats are formed much in the same way as felt hats, though comprised of plant fibre. The most popular styles of straw hats include the boater (pictured) and the Panama. The Panama is considered "prince of straw hats" and an emblem of style. The boater, renowned for its use in sailing and rowing events, is also known for its use in barbershop quartets and uniforms at boys' schools like Harrow.

Straw hats can also be found in the same styles as felt hats, for instance bowlers, fedoras, and pork pie hats. A high-quality straw hat can be identified by its tight, consistent weave and classic style. It isn't appropriate to wear felts hats in hot weather, so be sure to fill your wardrobe with a collection of straw hats this summer.

Hello, Allow Me To Introduce Myself... Again...

2011-06-01T01:12:00.002+01:00

Dear Gentlemen and Ladies,

Allow me to introduce myself in case you've forgotten me. I am Percival Devante, editor-in-chief of Swell & Dandy...

Yes, that's right folks, I am still alive and well. I have not fallen from the face of the earth, nor have I been eaten by any wild beast while on safari in the Serengeti. It has been far too long since you heard from me last. Allow me to apologise for not publishing for such a frightfully long period of time. Even a professional dandy can become overwhelmed with work - and that's precisely what happened. Now that we are in the midst of the summer holiday and the workload has subsided you can be sure to expect regular posts again at Swell & Dandy!

Yours,

P.

In Defence of Class

2011-03-28T20:02:00.001+01:00

The socialists and egalitarians who seem so prevalent in modern society decry the social class system as an unnecessary system whose sole purpose is to oppress those at the lower end of the social ladder. These sort of people are so short-sighted they cannot see past their own noses. They evidently do not understand the purpose nor value of class and therefore should not go about spouting off against it. Their ignorance is contagious and the evil of their misunderstanding, though perhaps well-intentioned, is corroding away at a crucial system of order, stability, and community.

It is said that all men are created equal. This is true in that all men are created and that they are equal in the materials of which they are comprised. However, there is a natural variation amongst men; they vary in physical appearance, intelligence, character and charm, strength, et cetera. Some people are by their nature more intelligent, more charming, more attractive, and stronger than others. It is not immoral to recognise this fact of nature, in fact, it is immoral to deny it; God has created these inequalities for a reason. This is not to devalue those of lesser intellect or lesser strength. Each person has a purpose, often which corresponds to the variation of their gifts and abilities. This natural law only furthers the argument against egalitarianism.

Social classes developed naturally through human nature. They were not artificially forced all at once against the nature of humans and human society. If all humans were indeed truly equal, then it would not be possible for one group to set itself up as the dominant class in the first place, thus allegations that class occurs when a group of people, who are equal to all other peoples, forcibly oppress the others is ludicrous. Egalitarian theory undermines itself.

The variation and inequality among men which occurs naturally continues to support the fact that the division of society into social classes is a natural occurrence. The Iron Law of Oligarchy tells us that it is natural for a few (usually those with greater ability and those who fully capitalise upon their ability) end up as leaders in society. Even Thomas Jefferson recognised a "natural aristocracy", that is, the natural superiority of those who have greater ability and use them to further themselves.

The great philosopher Thomas Aquinas would argue that anything which is done contrary to its own nature is immoral according to the Natural Law Theory. Thus we can logically conclude that because inequality is natural and class divisions based upon these inequalities occur naturally and in accordance to the nature of humanity and of society, egalitarianism is both forced against nature and immoral.

This is not to devalue those of the lower classes. Indeed, they serve a purpose which is just as important as the purpose of those on top of the social ladder. Just as society cannot function without a class system, so too would all the classes falter in the absence of another of the classes; they must all function in their roles to survive. This is why class systems exist in the first place. Nature requires it in order for humanity to function in a society and to achieve its fullest potential. Therefore it is a fallacy to suggest that one social class is oppressing another. Each social class is merely performing the role which society has allotted it. No one class is forcing a role upon another class, rather these roles are natural.

Most egalitarians are well-intentioned, it is true, but they are misinformed or confused. Pushing egalitarianism will bring about evils they could never imagine and would ultimately result in oppression and the destruction of human society. To force equality would require one to handicap those who excel. Those who are more able or more gifted would be forced to be less so. The strong would be weakened and the intelligent would be restricted. There is no telling what cruel and oppressive methods would be employed to achieve these ends. And for what reasons would these individuals be so oppressed? On the grounds that they were born more intelligent or more beautiful? This is not to be borne. This will lower standards and unfairly force those who do possess superior traits to achieve less then their fullest potential. It forces mediocrity upon the whole of society.

Egalitarianism has within its ideology a significant, hypocritical flaw. While it argues that societies, which embrace social class systems, are hindering the development of the individual, their solution is to hinder the individual in order to create a society in which everyone is equal. Therefore in trying to achieve its goals, egalitarianism must violate the very principles it embraces.

Egalitarianism is widely accepted to-day and has become the goal of the majority. We must remember, however, that being accepted by the majority does not automatically make something right. Remember that at one time, and in some parts of the world, communism and fascism have been favoured by the majority also.

Egalitarian society is not practical. It cannot be put into practice at all. Not only is it a bad system in practice, but also in theory. Any system which cannot be practically applied cannot even be considered a good theory and should be abandoned entirely. How much damage will we allow egalitarianism to do in the attempt to put into practice a system which can never be practically applied?

Not So Common After All

2011-02-27T06:12:00.000Z

Everyone has heard about it. It is no myth. Where, then, is it? It seems that "Common Courtesy" just is not very common anymore.

Courtesy is defined by one dictionary as "excellence of manners or social conduct". Excellence. "Average" or "just getting by on the bare minimum" does not cut it. No, courtesy requires one to exert some effort.

Courtesy is hardly difficult, but it does not just happen either. One has to consciously make the effort. Hold the door for the person behind you, especially if she is a lady, even if this requires you to pause for a few seconds to wait. Remember those simple but important words- "please" and" thank you".

Going out of one's way for someone else not only brightens someone's day, but it also gives one a distinction from other, less civilised people. It shows that one is in touch with people and aware of and compassionate about their needs and feelings. It all boils down to respect, a critical value for every gentleman.

Making the effort to be courteous, even if only a small gesture, shows that one is not self-important. Self-importance is a major faux-pas and a mark of the nouveau riche. The well-bred are important, so they don't need to keep their noses in the air and bustle past other people discourteously. A true aristocrat or gentleman would stop to open a door or help a lady carry her groceries.

But is it worth the trouble? Why bother? Courtesy will distinguish you from mediocrity. If you, dear readers, were willing to stop at just average you would not be frequenting Swell & Dandy. "Common" courtesy is anything but common. In fact, to be without courtesy is to be common. Courtesy is a staple attribute of the aristocracy and well-bred. Courtesy is also probably the trait most overlooked by the nouveau riche and by those seeking to mimic the aristocracy. Do not be without it; to do so will undermine ones upper-class status.

Don't be common: have courtesy!

Croquet-Appropriate Interjections

2011-02-23T23:08:00.002Z

As the snow begins to melt and the sun begins to shine, the time for croquet approaches. Croquet is a relaxing, leisurely hobby and can be a very elegant, classy pastime when done properly. Croquet is different from other sports in that it is not particularly competitive, but rather the goal is to enjoy the company and the game. Many modern gentlemen are not used to this sort of sport, being so accustomed to rugby or footer.

All that being said, the elegance of croquet is easily sullied by the profane speech that often accompanies more aggressive pastimes. Therefore, we recommend limiting your colourful speech to things more appropriate for polite company (for playing croquet and any other time too if you know what's good for you). Below is a list of less profane interjections for you to try out.

Balderdash!

Blast!

(Oh,) Bother!

Confound it!

Poppycock!

Pooh!

What bosh!
What the deuce?!

And, if you must: 'Blast and damnation!' But only in extreme necessity.

Stylish Blogger Award

2011-02-20T22:54:00.000Z

I recently came to discover that Swell & Dandy has been awarded the Stylish Blogger Award by Mister Partington-Plans of Eclectic Ephemera. I thank the gentleman for this honour. I came to find that with this award come certain duties:

1. Link back to the person who gave the award
2. Share seven things about yourself
3. Pass the award on to other deserving bloggers

And so, without further delay, here are those seven "fun facts":

1. I am nineteen years of age, despite my tendency to give the impression I am one hundred seventy-three.
2. I enjoy fencing when the opportunity presents itself.
3. Handel is my favourite composer, followed closely by Jean-Baptiste Lully and Tchaikovsky.
4. I am presently reading Political Science at university.
5. I am a determined dandy; snow has not prevented me from playing croquet and blizzards did not slow my taking tea on the terrace.
6. I am fond of Dickens, though Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited is by far the best book I've ever read.
7. Much to my irritation, I have been mistaken for Robert Pattinson in public on more than one occasion.

And now to pass the honour along:

1. Traditionally Styled
2. WASP 101
3. To The Manner Born
4. Le Fleur De Lys Too
5. A Suitable Wardrobe
6. The Natural Aristocrat

Gone By The Wayside: Letter-Writing

2011-02-14T05:15:00.000Z

Nothing can express care and feeling like a handwritten letter sent through the mail, but in to-day's world of e-mail, text messaging, and facebook, these are a rarity. Letter-writing is not difficult, and in fact it can be quite enjoyable. It requires no electronic devices; nothing more complex than a pen and paper are necessary. Writing a letter allows one to go into as much or as little detail as one desires about any given situation. It allows for careful consideration of wording, if one so wishes, so that each sentence is stated just so. Most importantly, perhaps, it is something tangible that can be cherished for decades and reviewed.

Letters give the impression that the sender cared enough to go through some extra effort for the recipient (even though very little effort is required) and that thought was truly put into the correspondence. At Swell & Dandy, we encourage our readers to take up letter-writing as a more mainstream form of communicating. Send a letter home from University to the Mater and Pater. Arrange to write letters between your friends to keep in touch regularly. Pen a romantic letter to the lady you fancy; it will certainly make you stand out from the other gentlemen she knows.

Remember when you are writing that while letters to people you know well need not be formal nor follow the rigorous structure expected of formal letters it is important that one use correct English grammar. Spelling, capitalisation, and punctuation can make a world of difference in your communication. Your lady-friend will likely be significantly less impressed if you make a fool of yourself by not spelling out simple words like "are" and "you" fully. Try to work on your penmanship as well. Legibility is very important, but also remember that going above and beyond, giving grace and flourish to your penmanship, will easily impress the recipient of your correspondence. Lastly, do not forget that if you receive a letter it is important that you return the correspondence with equal correspondence, viz send a letter for each letter received. Hastily replying via email, text, or facebook is rude and gives the impression that one does not care enough to put forth equal effort.

Progress?

2011-02-12T22:08:00.004Z

Quick sticks- what is progress? The denotative, or dictionary, definition of progress is simply "advancement in general". However, many tend to add a connotation to the word which completely alters its meaning and leads people to inaccurate assumptions, viz anything other than progress is bad and not to be borne. People often associate "progress" with forward-moving development which results in attaining a more-perfect stage superior to that which preceded it. This is not always the case, in fact many times it is not. We must remember not to get caught up in the emotions falsely attached to this loaded word and lose our heads.

Progression is a means of change which employs the application of methods, principles, systems, et cetera which have never been used before. If it sounds risky, it is. The only other means of change, then, is retrogression. Retrogression employs the application of methods, principles, systems, et cetera which have been used formerly but are no longer used.

The only option apart from retrogression or progression is to uphold the status quo. Few people are actually satisfied with the status quo. It is safe to say that we can all agree, regardless of our position on the political spectrum, that change is necessary. The question is how much change and which direction?

Radicals, liberals, moderates, and conservatives are all progressives. The difference lies in how much progressive change each group wants. Conservatives, being more satisfied with the status quo, favour little progressive change while radicals want extreme progressive change. If all of these are progressive, then who does that leave in favour of retrogression? Retrogressives are called reactionaries.

Swell & Dandy and, we can assume, her readers fall into the category of reactionaries, favouring the return of society to the ways of the past. We want to see the return of old-fashioned values and principles as well as practices and styles. We suspect, however, that many among us may be mislabeling themselves as conservatives for lack of knowing the terms "reactionary" or "retrogressive". While many reactionaries hold several conservative values, we must remember that our desire for retrogressive change is not a conservative value, but a reactionary one.

In synopsis, do not allow the emotions which so many apply falsely to the term "progress" to cause confusion. Progress in and of itself is not inherently good. Often times, as we see all around us to-day, it can be evil and too much of it can cause more harm than benefit. So often we see progress for its own sake because people mistakenly think that all progress must be good. All progress must be different, but not all progress must be good. The only qualification for progress is that it be new. The old has been tried and has held up against the test of time. It has served us well in the past and has been perfected for centuries. While progress takes the wisdom of a single generation in its application, retrogression harnesses the wisdom of all the generations before ours, over the thousands of years of human existence. How, then, can one say that progress is better than retrogression?

How can anyone believe that we can improve society by rejecting that which has served us well for centuries and substituting it with something that we have developed using the untested beliefs and principles of one single generation? We put too much stock in our own abilities. The wisdom promulgated over hundreds of generations is greater than that which belongs to a single generation alone, especially when that single generation rejects the knowledge of the hundreds which preceded it. Retrogression is improvement.

The Golden Era of Radio

2011-01-14T23:08:00.001Z

The culture to-day is very television-oriented. American statistics say that the average household has the television on seven hours each day. Television sets dominate the centre of drawing rooms across the West, where before it reigned the fireplace or radio. Television sets have become bigger and more expensive, and many people drain hours of time in a mental fuzz staring into the glowing idiot-box.

Television has pulled the plug on the era of the radio (do please forgive the pun). Gone are the clever and pleasant jingles of radio adverts as companies cut their radio advertising budgets for television and radio theatre goes virtually unheard of by to-day's youth. What warmth and nostalgia one experiences when one hears one's favourite radio programme crackling through the speakers. No more children crowding around the radio at the appointed time each day for the Adventures of Phillip Marlow or Little Orphan Annie; no more Lights Out or Father Knows Best.

Radio threatre not only allowed the listener to escape their present situation and to be entertained for a half-hour (even television can manage that), but is also engaged the mind and exercised the listeners' creativity. In this respect, television has failed us. Researchers suggest that watching television is equivalent to staring at a blank wall for several hours. It also damages one's ability to concentrate and so it isn't surprising that more and more children to-day are diagnosed with ADHD and ADD.

Wouldn't it be a wonderful family activity to gather your family together in the drawing room, switch off the television, and enjoy an episode of your favourite radio programme together? Additionally, playing recordings of vintage radio news broadcasts in the background is an excellent way to create an old-fashioned ambiance. There are many online sources for downloading old radio programmes. One such source is Old Time Radio Fans. This is a good place to start. Here one can download various programmes in MP3 format, or stream them online. An application can also be downloaded from itunes for Ipod touch and Iphone users called Vintage Radio Lite. Below are additional online resources for radio programmes:

Radio Lovers
Archive.org
Old Time Radio Network

Gone By The Wayside: The Handshake

2011-01-10T22:24:00.000Z

Perhaps the most rudimentary staple of social interaction, the handshake, dates back as early as the 5th century B.C. in Greece. Likely originating as a gesture of peace (a hand engaged in a handshake can bare no weapon), it is speculated that the handshake was popularised in the 16th century by Sir Walter Raleigh in service to the British Court. The handshake is crucial in the social realms as a means of greeting, yet it appears at risk of falling out of use by the youngest generation. It is important to shake hands upon greeting colleagues, friends, or new acquaintances, and to do it properly. Below are some tips.

Remember to shake firmly, but do not attempt to dominate or crush your associate.

A handshake should be done with a bare hand, so gloves should be removed first.

It is unacceptable to refuse a handshake unless hindered by injury.

Keep eye contact during the handshake.

Keep the time of contact and number of shakes at a reasonable amount; don't linger too long and don't pull back straight away.

When the handshake is between a superior and his subordinate or across the ranks of social hierarchy, the superior should be the one to initiate the handshake.

Be aware of local customs; when abroad know how their customs regarding the handshake differ from our own.

Don't be afraid to shake hands when greeting close friends; the handshake doesn't have to be only for formal occasions.

Spectators & Spring Fever

2011-01-05T22:51:00.000Z

Last month's snow and bitter cold likely has left our readers with a case of spring-fever. It has certainly had that effect on us at Swell & Dandy. Perhaps as an escape from the winter winds and frost, we're going to talk about co-respondent, or spectator, shoes.

By definition, spectator shoes are low-heeled oxford brogue (full or semi) formed from two contrasting colours. First appearing in the 19th century, these came into fashion in the early 20th century, peaking in popularity in the 1920s and 30s. Traditional and flashy, these are a favourite of the dandy.

Spectators are usually white with black or brown toe and heel caps and sometimes lace panels, though many varieties of colour combinations exist, most traditional are the black-white, brown-white, tan-white, and brown-tan combinations. Nota bene: Because these shoes are predominantly white in colour, they are restricted to one's spring and summer wardrobe and should not be warn in winter. Some varieties do not contain white-coloured panels. While we will not rule out wearing these variety in the cooler seasons, we won't recommend it either. Remember the no-white-after-Labour-day rule.

Favourite though they may be, spectators are limited in utility and are often worn incorrectly. Spectators are excellent for sporting events, like golf, polo, cricket, or croquet; outdoor cocktail parties; country clubs; picnics in the park; &c. Simply stated, spectators are the perfect choice for spring or summer occasions in which one would dress sharply, but not black-tie functions; these are not evening shoes.

One must be careful to dress correctly when wearing spectators. Many can be confused when trying to match things to two-toned shoes. Remember the general rules of fashion regarding blacks and browns and use your best judgement. Spectators with browns and tans should not be worn with greys or blacks. Spectators with black should not be worn with brown. We find that black and white spectators go very well with a navy serge jacket or blazer and a pair of white flannel trousers. Brown or tan spectators look smashing with tweed or with blue and cream coloured suits. In general, spectators go well with seersucker or linen suits, usually in lighter-coloured varieties. Tone down the rest of the outfit to avoid looking too flashy. Spectators are indeed a dandy's favourite. We hope to see them on your feet this spring!

Calling Card Correspondence

2011-01-03T05:00:00.000Z

As a follow up to our recent article on calling cards, we would like to take a more in depth look at some of the intricacies of corresponding with calling cards, those once indispensable social tools. As mentioned previously, calling cards can be used, apart from in the traditional sense, as greeting cards, invitations, or as reply to invitations. These uses are still very practical, even in contemporary society.

Used as greeting cards, the message should be scrawled either on the front of the card in the blank space or else on the back. Be sure to sign at least your first name, even though it's on the card. This works very well for general greetings, congratulations, get-well-soon's, et cetera. They also work well accompanying gifts in lieu of a greeting card. Greeting cards are mass-marketed and over-priced; often they leave so much space which one feels obligated to fill up, leading some to ramble and others to forego the correspondence entirely. A calling card has just the right amount of space to pen a brief message.

Calling cards can also be used as invitations. Nota Bene: For formal gatherings proper invitations should be used, but calling cards work exceptionally well for less formal situations. The occasion, time, date, and location on the top of the card. For a response, write "R.S.V.P." in the lower left-hand corner. Be sure to include your contact information if it is not already on the card. Additionally, if the name on the card includes the title "Mr.", tradition dictates that this be crossed out, or in especially informal instances the full name should be stricken through once and the card should be signed with the first name.

To respond to invitations with a calling card is as simple as the former. To accept, write a short note of acceptance, including the date and time of the event, across the top. To decline, write a short note of decline including the date but not the time. Also be sure to include a reason for declining. Anything less would be rude. Again, it is traditional to strike out the "Mr." or, less formally, to strike out the full name and sign the first.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T00:01:00.002Z

With a change in the year comes change at Swell & Dandy. We have simplified our layout, making it easier by far for you to navigate. The biggest change comes in our new segments. We have divided our content into different segments (e.g. "Gone By The Wayside" or "The Wardrobe"). These segments will make it easier for readers to find the content they seek and additionally will provide for more regularity in article scheduling.

With that we bid you a Happy New Year, and for help with your resolutions, don't forget these articles:

A Better Man in One Month
Franklin's Virtues

Parental Duty

2010-12-27T01:41:00.007Z

Yesterday the Church celebrated the Feast of the Holy Family, a holy day celebrating Saint Joseph, the Virgin Mary, and the Christ Child as a family unit. In honour of this special day we at Swell & Dandy have set aside this moment to come to a pause in our holiday merriment and to call upon our readers, as parents and future parents, in all seriousness to remember the duties they owe not only their children, but also the whole world community.

It is safe to assume that our regular readers agree with most of our philosophies here at Swell & Dandy. For those of our readers who do fall into that category, it follows, then, that you wish to help restore society to the glory of the past: etiquette and deportment, culture and fashion. That is, of course, your motive for reading Swell & Dandy, is it not? One wonders, however, how many of our readers have considered what is to come when they have left this world and their posterity are left behind? Have they raised their children to understand and appreciate the old fashioned values they espouse, the values their parents more likely than not left up to them to discover on their own?

The world has fallen into the unfortunate condition it is in to-day primarily as a result of poor parenting. Fathers never taught their children how to polish their shoes and mothers never taught their daughters how to sew, but it goes further than that. Common courtesy, manners, etiquette, religion, and more; the values that have kept mankind alive and civilised for centuries; have been swept under the carpet. They have been forgotten; overlooked. The few people who retain these values often had to discover them (and the skills and mannerisms associated with them) on their own and without any aid or direction from their parents.

In recognition of this holy feast day we remind society to raise their children well. We cannot undo the damage that poor parenting has already done. What we can do, however, is revive the traditional values and practices of our grandfathers and great grandfathers and ensure they live on for generations to come by educating our children properly. Remember: teach your children and grandchild both how and why and guide them in living up to appropriate standards.

A Collection of Royal Christmas Speeches

2010-12-26T01:00:00.006Z

At this holy and important time of year people around the world look to their sovereigns for words of wisdom. Below is a collection of the royal Christmas addresses of various sovereigns the world over for the year of Our Lord 2010.

His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom

Her Majesty, Queen Margrethe II of Denmark

His Majesty, King Albert II of the Belgians

His Majesty, King Juan Carlos I of Spain

Feedback Requested!

2010-12-23T22:55:00.003Z

Dearest Readers,

At Swell & Dandy our goals are to inform, to culture, and to please. We realise that if we fail in any one of these duties we will surely fail in them all. That being said, we are submitting to you to-day an appeal for your input. What would you like to see on Swell & Dandy? What should we change? Give us your thoughts so we can better serve you! You can submit feedback in a variety of ways:

1. Send an email to our editor-in-chief, Percival Devante, at swell.and.dandy@gmail.com.

2. Post a comment below on this article.

3. Post a comment on our facebook page.

Thank you for your continued support. Your readership and efforts are always appreciated. God bless you eternally, especially on this Christmas season.

P.

Return of the Calling Card

2010-12-22T20:00:00.000Z

In the days before such a myriad of electronic communication was so readily available it was the common practice of the gentry to use "calling cards". The practice originated in Europe in the 17th century as an absolutely crucial staple in the etiquette of the aristocracy.

Named for the practice of "calling" on one's friends and family, calling cards, according to etiquette, were to be left in a tray near the door or with a servant of the potential host. This practice was used both for decorous introductions as well as before regular visits. If the host was willing to entertain the caller, he would send a card of his own. On the contrary, if a gentleman did not wish to accept a visit, he would either not send his own card in response or else he would send his card in an envelope. The card within the envelope was, in effect, a blunt but well-mannered refusal. Likewise, a card sent within an envelope following a visit will signify that no such visit is anticipated again in future (often as a result of a bad visit).

A gentleman's calling card should be simple. It is generally the same size as a modern business card. A gentleman's name should be written in the centre in elegant, but tasteful font. Include little additional information, though some contact information may be included for convenience in the modern day. We also recommend including a personal or family motto, preferably in Latin, though French will suffice. The back should be left blank to leave room for personal notes and the like.

Today there is still a use for calling cards, despite the noticable absence of servants to deliver them. Apart from being used in the traditional fashion or as a means for exchanging information, calling cards can be used as invitations, to respond to invitations, or to exchange greetings. This can all be done by penning messages onto the back of the card, or the blank portion of the front, if it fits. For instance, "Lord Wilburforce, please drop in tomorrow afternoon for tea at four o'clock. R.S.V.P." can be scrawled upon a card, to be delivered or slid under an office door.

There are other means of conveying messages using calling cards as well. The turning down of different corners of the card have varying significances, as below:

Upper Left - A congratulatory visit is sought.
Upper Right - A visit in person, usually immediately as the card's owner is already present, is requested (in lieu of the card having been delivered by a servant).
Lower Right - A visit before taking leave is sought.
Lower Left - A condolence visit is sought.

Additionally, similar messages can be conveyed using various initials, usually from French expressions, viz R.S.V.P.:

p. c. - For condolence (pour condoléance)
p. f. - For congratulations (pour féliciter)
p. f. N. A. - New Year's greetings (pour féliciter Nouvel An)
p. p. - To request a formal introduction (pour présenter)
p. p. c. - To take leave (pour prendre congé)
p. r. - To express thanks (pour remercier)

More on the Calling Card:
Victorian Calling Card Etiquette
Gentleman's Guide to the Calling Card
How to Use Your Calling Card

Gratitude

2010-12-19T20:36:00.003Z

An important virtue to remember, especially this Christmas season, is the virtue of gratitude. In a society that has forgotten the meaning of Christmas and has come to expect gifts rather than appreciate them, it often comes in handy to have a brief review.

If one has advanced notice, one should try always to prepare a gift of some sort for anyone from whom one will receive a gift. Otherwise, the recipient of a gift should send a handwritten thank you note, either via post or in person. Remember, too, when sending gifts, never to expect anything in return.

Cards, as with all correspondence, should be met with a card of one's own in return. The same goes for letters, emails, phone calls, et cetera. Any letter received merits a letter returned. Correspondence should be returned equally.

Remember that a gentleman receives gracefully. Seem pleasantly surprised, even if it is not a surprise. Seem appreciative, even if the gift is something you already have, do not need, cannot use, or do not like. Remember, it is the thought that counts. The giver spent time, money, and thought on you. Even if you don't fancy the gift, you're not out anything. At least allow the giver the full enjoyment of having given. Have a blessed Christmas holiday!

Vogue Etiquette

2010-12-07T23:03:00.009Z

In 1924, Vogue magazine published a book of etiquette for the "great rising mass" to be educated in proper behaviour. Thanks to BuzzFeed, we came across some interesting clippings from that book, now available to you here.

Additionally, a men's dressing chart was included:

A Note on an Unseemly Expression

2010-11-08T07:00:00.000Z

Few people to-day take into consideration the subtle denotations of various patterns of speech. While often well-intended there are several expressions which in certain contexts can be misconstrued. One such mildly suggestive expression is "last night".

Perhaps we are being overly critical, but a gentleman is always carefully well-spoken and must learn to avoid socially-awkward missteps such as this. Our simple suggestions is that gentlemen replace the phrase "last night", which tends to have a sexual connotation to-day, with the phrase "yesterday evening", particularly when speaking to, of, or in the presence of ladies.

Modern Plague: Individualism

2010-11-07T19:00:00.000Z

Everyone knows that too much of a good thing is always a bad thing. The proper gentleman always avoids excesses. Avoidance of excess is the underlying principle of Franklin's virtues. One such "good thing" which we seem to have too much of to-day is individualism.

It goes without saying that individualism in and of itself is hardly a plague. Quite the contrary, individualism is one of the pillars of dandyism. However, it can be taken too far, and when it does it is never good. This sort of behaviour often results in undervaluing (and thus crimes against) society and community as a whole, disregard for etiquette and social mores, lack in decorum, inappropriate attire, and counterculture. These things are not only lacking in taste and undesirable, but also dangerous in the grand scheme of things. They cause a rapid break down of culture and social identity.

In short, while it is important to be oneself and to have levels of independence and sense of one's own identity, one must not get selfish and remember that one is also part of a community. Culture is something of great value which must not be diminished and following etiquette and mores is a means of respecting those who share the community with us. It is a sign of true maturity when one has embraced the society in which one lives. Remember that if one is trying too hard to be oneself, one is not actually being oneself at all. Flashy displays of "individualism" contrary to the values of the community is a cry for attention, not a true representation of oneself.

Back on Track

2010-10-30T18:33:00.002+01:00

Allow me to express my most sincere regrets for my recent bout of silence. My schedule had been overloaded and I found no time to produce any articles worthy of my readers here at Swell & Dandy. However, now that that hiatus is over I am back on track and ready to write. I will have more articles up for your pleasure lickety-split.

Yours,

P.

Waughnabes

2010-09-17T22:16:00.005+01:00

I was recently approached by an American reporter for Foreign Policy magazine, Emily Witt, and asked about young fogies and the young fogey philosophy. I did my best to provide my opinions and expertise for Ms. Witt, who has been in touch with various other like-minded fellows. After several interviews and tedious researching, Ms. Witt has churned out an article on young fogeyism in modern Britain entitled "Waughnabes" which appears in Foreign Policy. I have included a selection below along with a link to the full article. Enjoy!

Waughnabes
Meet the "young fogeys" of David Cameron's Britain.
BY EMILY WITT | SEPTEMBER 16, 2010

James Sharpe's taste in music pretty much ends with Edvard Grieg. On days when he feels particularly pessimistic, he laments that Johannes Brahms was probably the last great composer. As for art, "Caravaggio is definitely better than Rothko -- although Rothko isn't too bad." He is particularly exacting about fashion: Savile Row is too expensive for a student, but one can find hand-tailored suits in vintage stores. This takes a trained eye, but Sharpe has been honing his knowledge of menswear since, as a small child, he chose blazers and waistcoats instead of the usual primary-colored poly-blends. Back then, he was imitating the adults he saw wearing suits to work. Now, the adults are mystified by him. "My father gets rather annoyed when I'm wearing silk handkerchiefs," he admits.

For a long time Sharpe thought he might be alone in his antique opinions. It was only when he arrived at Cambridge University to begin his undergraduate degree in history that his lifelong fondness for Baroque fugues, paisley ascots, and conservative politics earned him a label. In Britain, there is a name for this kind of person: James Sharpe, age 22, is a young fogey.

Until recently, the young fogey was thought to be a relic of Margaret Thatcher's Britain; if he still existed in the heyday of New Labour, it was believed, he was drinking his Ovaltine only in the darkest corners of Oxford or Cambridge. Even the resurgence of the country's Conservative Party after a decade on the political margins hasn't given the fogeys much to celebrate: Prime Minister David Cameron came to power in May by crafting the exact opposite image of the British center-right, touting his support for causes such as gay rights and fighting climate change and forging a pan-ideological coalition with the country's center-left Liberal Democrats. The ruddy-faced Tories idolized by Sharpe and his ilk were supposed to be a thing of the past.

But the statistics of Cameron's coalition cabinet -- a survey by the Guardian in May found that 86 percent of its members were male, 59 percent were schooled privately, and 69 percent had university degrees from Oxford or Cambridge -- tell a story of their own. It's appropriate, then, that Britain's new Conservative era has been accompanied by a rebirth of enthusiasm for the old: A new generation of fogeys is unapologetically asserting its taste in bespoke suits, fountain pens, and a nice glass of port -- and political views that are unapologetically disdainful of egalitarianism.

Young fogeys wear tweed, smoke pipes, and revere the monarchy. They fight to repeal the Hunting Act, carry handmade umbrellas, and evince nostalgia for a past they have never actually experienced. Their political sensibilities, for the most part, track their aesthetics: Sharpe, a former chairman of the Cambridge University Conservative Association, describes his own politics as "paternalistic."

... [Read More]

University Life in 1946

2010-09-16T10:00:00.004+01:00

For all our readers at university, we've come across this article from a 1946 issue of Varsity Magazine, a men's magazine, at The Art of Manliness. This quiz is great for the true gentleman university student. Some values never change, and as we always say, old-fashioned methods and tradition work best. This is probably how Grandfather ranked his roommate etiquette at university. See how you rank. Enjoy!

Gone by the Wayside: Journaling

2010-09-15T09:00:00.002+01:00

What do Winston Churchill, Andrew Carnegie, Theodore Roosevelt, and Sir Edmund Hilary have in common? They were all great men, but they also all kept journals. Journaling is a wonderful reflective and therapeutic practice. It allows one to pour out one's emotions and thoughts privately and it also helps one keep a straight head. Not only that, but it's a great record for posterity.

Keeping a journal enables your descendants to know how you lived. It also allows you to pass on your wisdom for generations. Journaling is great for looking back on those important moments in your life. One day our memory will not be as sharp as it once was and we will thank ourselves for keeping a log of our lives that we can look back on. Journals will remain when we have passed away as a testimony of our legacy.

Journals are also good for self-analysis. When one is weighed down with emotional situations which one must resolve one is often not in one's right mind. Having the chance to look back on one's actions once one's head is cleared will help one to make better decisions in future. Studies have also shown journaling to be beneficial to one's health. It relieves stress and unclutters the mind. The benefits of journaling at uncountable.

One can pick up a journal at most stores, particularly office supply stores and book stores. Journal entries can be as simple as a general log of daily activities or as detailed as a record of the thoughts and emotions that go along with the activities. It's entirely up to the individual. It's a very good habit to get into.

Suffering Silently

2010-09-14T19:59:00.000+01:00

One's reputation is everything. This cannot be denied. Our forefathers were raised to hold strong the value of not "wearing one's heart on one's sleeve" or not "airing one's laundry in public". In to-day's world of Facebook and Twitter one has the opportunity to tell their friends, neighbours, associates, colleagues, and acquaintances exactly what one is doing or how one is feeling. That doesn't mean that one should!

There is something honourable about the man who keeps things to himself. To be a proper gentleman, one must separate one's emotions from one's daily interactions with other people. This isn't to say that one must become a robotic or inhuman, emotionless being, but rather that one must strive to maintain one's privacy. Nota Bene: Though some may not personally feel bothered by exposing one's own intimate emotions and affairs, one must remember that in so doing one is imposing this information on the other person and thus violating the privacy of both oneself and the individual to whom one is speaking.

This principle can be broken down into a few simple rules to help those who struggle with this:

1. Do not speak freely of your own emotions. This includes posting enigmatic, emotion status updates on Facebook or Twitter. Do not make a show in public of anger or sadness, frustration or agitation. These emotional displays are unseemly and exhibit weakness. He who is not in control of his own emotions can hardly be expected to be in control of anything. Look to the Romanovs as an example; even faced with insults, cruelty, and threat of death the Romanovs showed neither anger nor sadness nor even fear.

2. Do not "air your laundry in public". It is unseemly to discuss private matters publicly. If you wouldn't want it repeated, it shouldn't be spoken of in the first place. This includes discussion of arguments, scandals, et cetera. Far worse is the airing of someone else's laundry in public. Remember your place; if an occurrence involves other people apart from yourself (i.e.: a family argument) it would be inappropriate to even allude to it publicly out of respect for the other parties involved. Family affairs especially should be kept within the family.

3. Do not "kiss and tell". It is inappropriate to discuss relationships publicly. If one is courting a lady, the details of the courtship should be kept between the gentleman and lady involved. Likewise it is inappropriate to pry into the relationships of others. It is unseemly to speak familiarly to women or about women. It is unnecessary to announce which ladies one fancies or finds attractive. If they are truly attractive then it can be seen and so pointing out the obvious is a waste of breath.

4. Do not seek pity or consolation for ailments. One should keep one's illnesses and physical ailments to oneself. One should strive always to appear at one's best and if one is sick one should not show it. Misery may love company, but to weigh others down with one's own problems (illness or otherwise) will inadvertently cause resentment. People avoid the unhappy like the plague, and for good reason. Do not drain on other people with your own misery; cover it up.

In synopsis, remember always Franklin's second virtue: silence. "Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation." This is not an easy issue to overcome. Humans are by nature a social species, but we must remember that we are also a civilised people and we must abide by the social principles which separate us from beasts. Speaking freely is not only very likely to offend those listening, but such personal displays often make one appear foolish and weak. Also remember that these sorts of things, if they must be discussed, should be kept only in private discussion between one's most intimate friends and family. To make it common, public knowledge devalues the trust one gives one's friends and family.

Dandy Dormitory Décor, part III

2010-09-06T21:52:00.006+01:00

For those who enjoyed Dandy Dormitory Décor Parts I & II, we now have a part III. We received word from a reader in response to the first installments of the DDD series and he share with us photographs of his dormitory at university. It is with his consent that we publish them here for your pleasure.

Here we see the room of Mister Aron Spidle in his third year at Crandall University. Mister Spidle had decorated his room for the Christmas holiday in a very cheerful fashion. Along the window we see a multitude of cards. See how he has converted a standing lamp into a Christmas tree using garland and ornaments; excellent space-saving technique. Our favourites are the photographs of Lady Diana overhead and the coat of arms. Nota bene: Mister Spidle has decorated his bookshelf with various curios. This sort of attention to detail is what makes a dormitory room one's home.

Here we can see the Union Jack posted proudly in the corner. Atop the window a cheerful Christmas garland has been placed. The many photographs of royalty and family along the walls reminded us of Andrew Carnegie's study.

At the bottom right we can just make out what appears to be a fine armchair. Looking closely, we find a quality pocket watch hanging over the desk in addition to the desk clock. Wonderful old-fashioned pieces. We are also fond of the paper chain, a brilliant traditional Christmas decoration; easy, fun, and wholesome. Good show, old chap!

Join the community! Send your dandy dormitory photos to Swell & Dandy and perhaps you'll be featured in following articles!

Dandy Dormitory Décor, part II

2010-09-02T20:25:00.006+01:00

Our regular readers will recall our May article, Dandy Dormitory Décor, in which we examined the Victorian-style university dormitory rooms of 1st year student Monsieur C. T. and 4th year student Mister Joseph Stewart. As the time for students to return to university is upon us again we have been given the opportunity to revisit Monsieur C. T., now a 2nd year student, to see how his rooms have progressed in hopes that they might provide inspiration for new and returning students.

Here we see Monsieur's bed. When not used for sleeping it is used as a sofa for entertaining guests. Note the gold cushions and gilt map above. In the corner one can see an Elgin clock with a pendulum featuring Westminster chimes.

Here is Monsieur's bookcase. Perched on top between the portraits of Nicholas II and George III is the television set, a statue of the blessed virgin, and a brass candlestick. On the third shelf from the top, beneath religious icons, we find a tobacco pipe, monocle, crystal dish, and benedictine crucifix.

On Monsieur's desk we can find an old candlestick phone at the far right next to an ornately carved chest. The desk clock is fashioned from Waterford Crystal. The English and Papal flags can be seen in addition to a photo of Nicholas II and his family.

Atop the dresser Monsieur has arranged a vintage porcelain lamp with two baroque figurines, a crystal decanter, and a crystal candy dish on a small silver tray.

Finally, under the bed we can see an old trunk; a necessity for storage as well as decor. And, naturally, what room would be complete without an antique persian rug?

Join the community! Send your dandy dormitory photos to Swell & Dandy and perhaps you'll be featured in following articles!

Gentlemanly Pastimes

2010-09-01T01:00:00.001+01:00

A true gentleman doesn't waste all his leisure time on television and video games, no sir! Not only is a man judged by his work ethic, but he is also judged by his play ethic. In a world where common people can experience instant gratification electronically, we have forgotten what it means to have real, natural, old-fashioned fun and so it is for the gentleman to go beyond the petty forms of modern entertainment and take up a hobby. A simple skimming-over a few biographies will show that great men from Churchill to Prince Albert have had proper hobbies to entertain and occupy themselves. To get you started, Swell & Dandy has compiled a list of the top ten pastimes of the upper-crust gentleman.

10. Collecting
From postage stamps to rocks to art, gentlemen of fame and prestige throughout history have been known to collect something or other. Collecting can be an enlightening and enjoyable experience. It occupies one's time in an enjoyable way but also opens a door to learning more about the object being collected. One can begin as an amateur insect collector and end a well-versed expert in entomology. Be reasonable, of course; it isn't gentlemanly to be a pack rat.

9. Flying
How many gentlemen can say they can fly an aeroplane? Few and far between. Despite its obvious expense, flying offers a freedom and exhilaration to which most hobbies cannot compare. It is truly the activity of a gentleman and the mark of a renaissance man.

8. Gardening
Gardening is a great way to get outdoors into the fresh air and sunshine. It brings back a nostalgia for the days when families often depended on a garden for a good portion of their produce. Gardening offers a man the chance to get dirty and work with his hands while providing and cultivating God's gifts at the same time. Tending the garden has always been man's work. If you have a profitable season, encourage your wife to can some of the vegetables to use all year round.

7. Reading
One of the easiest and simplest hobbies of the refined gentleman, reading opens up a world of perspectives and ideas which might otherwise be bypassed without notice. How convenient would it be to step into the mind of civilisation's greatest thinkers? You can every time you open a book. Reading is a great way to escape for a while and unwind. We recommend the books on our lists, found here and here.

6. Painting
Churchill painted; need we say more? Painting is a fantastic medium of self-expression and a brilliant mode of relaxation. It develops the creative mind and releases pent-up emotion and thoughts. It is also very classy and cultured.

5. Sailing
Britain has long been a seafaring nation; sailing is in our blood! Many a fortune was made at the head of a great ship and to this day sailing remains a mark of great status. Not only that, but it is a great way to relax and enjoy nature on a completely new terrain.

4. Ballroom Dancing
Many gentlemen, most notably Fred Astaire, took pleasure in dancing. Dancing increases confidence and posture and is great exercise to boot. Women tend to find ballroom dancing attractive. It shows that the gentleman has class, culture, and confidence.

3. Fencing
Fencing is a noble sport that dates back to the ancient Roman and Greek civilisations. It is all that remains of the gentlemanly act of dueling and the noble arts of medieval knights. Once a necessity for war and self-defence, fencing is now a sport of the elite. Divided into three categories (foil, épée, and sabre) fencing is a rigorous workout and great for balance and coordination.

2. Marksmanship
From shooting clay pigeons on the estate to hunting, gentlemen have always been fond of guns. Originally used for war and providing, guns came to be used for sport by the aristocracy. Hunting and marksmanship can be very enjoyable and is naturally very masculine. Marksmanship is second only to horsemanship in the aristocrat's arsenal of leisure activities.

1. Horsemanship
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, we have horsemanship. Horsemanship is the ultimate aristocratic pastime. It would be safe to say that in almost every case it is impossible to be part of the circles of the elite without some skill and knowledge in this area. From breeding to racing to polo to fox hunting, the equestrian arts are an integral part of the lifestyle of the country gentleman and aristocrat. Master this art and you can enjoy both the richness of the culture that it evokes as well as the leisure of the activity itself.

Join the Conversation! Leave a comment telling us about your hobbies!

Gone by the Wayside: Silver

2010-08-16T10:00:00.000+01:00

We all know it's still out there, stowed away in cabinets and attics, turning black with tarnish, but it has certainly declined in popularity. As mentioned above, many people are in possession of some rather nice silverware, but allow it to tarnish in the cupboard unused.

While many argue that silver is too expensive to use, we are more inclined to believe that silver has fallen out of use primarily due to laziness. Silver requires maintenance. True, aluminium or stainless steel are cheaper, but the real allure for most people is that it needn't be polished.

Silver has been used for centuries and has graced the tea table of many an aristocrat. You may already have some antique silver tucked away somewhere. Now is a good opportunity to take it out and polish it. Invite friends over for a meal. They will be impressed with your silver. Polishing requires some elbow grease (and silver polish, obviously), but we are certain you will find it well worth your time. If you aren't in possession of the family silver, you can buy it new from silversmiths or alternately you may be able to find some at auctions, estate sales, or resale shops. People are literally throwing it out because they aren't aware of its value or elegance. Look into getting some and once you do be sure to maintain it and use it. You will be surprised at the aristocratic elegance it gives your table the instant you set it out.

Unfortunate Informality

2010-08-15T20:46:00.005+01:00

We wrote earlier in "The Repose of Nobility" about the decline of many virtues and traits held dear by our forefathers. Now it's time for specifics. One of society's greatest shortcomings to-day is its informality. Informality itself is a somewhat broad, vague category. However, it is the root of two very obvious issues: familiarity and underdressing.

Familiarity is defined as "considerable acquaintance with, established friendship; intimacy" or alternately, "an absence of ceremony and formality; informality." In this case, we refer to the latter. The cultural informality of to-day has created a false sense of intimacy among people. Telemarketers and salesmen now feel at ease addressing one by one's first name and often only give a their own first name in return. This is not only inappropriate, but also belittling and offensive. It has even come to the point that children will no longer call their friends' parents "Mister" and "Mis'ess". It cannot be borne.

The use of Christian names should be reserved to close friends and family. Simply put, allowing acquaintances to use one's forename gives the false impression that they know one well enough to break other etiquette. If one would be unwilling to trust a person with sensitive, personal information then it is inappropriate for one to allow said person to address one by one's forename. The use of formal address commands respect and creates the distinction between friends or family and associates or acquaintances. The deterioration of formal address and etiquette results in the deterioration of respect and manners. There should certainly be a distinction between children and elders as well as between superiors and subordinates.

In the English language, it is proper that should be addressed as "Mister" (Mr.) followed by their surname. Married women should be addressed as "Mis'ess" (Mrs.) followed by their surname. Boys under thirteen should be addressed as "Master" (Mstr.) followed by their surname while girls and unmarried women should be addressed as "Miss" (Ms.) followed by their surname. It is also appropriate, particularly for children addressing adults, to use "Sir" for men and "Madam" or "Ma'am" for women (note that these titles should not be followed by a surname).

The best way to combat this breach in etiquette is to lead by example; stick to it yourself. Address others in this fashion as etiquette dictates and insist (politely of course) that you be addressed likewise. This is not to say, mind you, that we recommend formal address among family and close friends. Do not take it too far, but business associates and acquaintances should remain formal until such a time (in the case of acquaintances) that they are counted as good friends. At the very least, children should be addressing all adults accordingly.

The other issue brought about by informality is overly casual dress. While we note well that everyone enjoys being comfortable, it should be done in the privacy of one's own home. The modern era's over-relaxation of decorum has resulted in a society that, frankly, does not know how to dress properly. Our ancestors learned to dress themselves at a very young age, but to-day it seems many adults live their lives still unable to do it right.

Pajamas should never, under any circumstances be seen in public. The same goes for undergarments (if you have this issue, then you aren't using a belt when you should be). Jeans and sandals are nice but we all have to grow up sometime. Jeans should be worn sparingly and sweats probably shouldn't be worn in public if at all.

This isn't about how to polish shoes or buy a suit that fits properly. The people struggling with underdressing haven't even gotten that far. In short, valuing personal comfort over the appearance of the clothes is pure selfishness. We never said it was easy doing the right thing, but dressing properly hasn't killed anyone yet.

Essential Books Revisited

2010-08-03T13:29:00.000+01:00

Regular readers of Swell & Dandy will recall our list of fifty essential books, part I and part II. More observant readers will note that our list did not include Brideshead Revisted. This was not unintentional.

The themes of Brideshead Revisited exhibit values shared by this very aethernet journal. It laments the decline of tradition and the aristocratic way of life; all that is classy and good. Brideshead Revisited is not just another book on the list of essentials. Nay; it is to the Young Fogey as the Bible is to good Christians. So much is this so that Young Fogeyism is often refered to as the 'Brideshead' style.

The novel by Evelyn Waugh examines a Catholic aristocratic family in the 1920s through the memories of a Captain Charles Ryder. Filled with nostalgia for the days of English nobility, the novel involves not only grace, friendship, and fortune, but also alcohol, adventure, and scandal. This book has everything. It is both the most jovial and cheerful as well as the most sorrowful and remorseful. If you read anything we have recommended, read Brideshead Revisited.

Gone by the Wayside: Pocket Watches

2010-08-01T17:43:00.002+01:00

The above photo is of my great-great-grandfather's pocket watch. It is over one hundred years old and still works. What craftsmanship! What elegance! Quality like that can no longer be found. Yet watches like this have fallen into disuse.

These days it would be difficult to find someone who doesn't carry a mobile phone. Most mobile devices and even ipods have digital clocks built in. Why wear a watch? Well, we'll tell you. Watches have been a traditional mens accessories since their emergence in the 16th century. The watch is a symbol of manliness and class. For generations it was tradition for a man to pass on his watch to his son, and he to his. Pocket watches were often given, and sometimes still are, upon retirement as a reward for years of faithful service. They also became widespread by their use on railroads in the United States.

With such a history of masculine charm, who wouldn't want to carry a pocket watch? With the rise of excessively informal clothing came the decline of the waistcoat and with it, to some extent, the pocket watch. Before the 20th century, wrist watches were considered to be feminine and we reserved for women. It wasn't until WWI officers began wearing them for their convenient access that they became mainstream for men. However, even wristwatches are declining with the rise of mobile phones.

Pocket watches can be purchased in a variety of places, but if you want good quality, we recommend buying vintage watches at auctions or online.

The Scent of a Gentleman

2010-07-31T00:24:00.000+01:00

As the modern man scrambles to down his morning coffee and tie his tie as he makes a dash to the door for work each day, seldom does he stop to consider his smell. Sure, he's taken a shower to-day, but does that suffice? It is likely safe to say that most everyone has showered to-day, so what sets you apart? Or do you prefer to be exactly the same as everyone else?

The true gentleman is not content with scraping by with the bare minimum. No, one can bet he will go above and beyond in every aspect of his life, including his scent. No true gentleman should go without a splash of eau de cologne.

Don't be fooled. Cologne isn't simply a luxury to those around to smell it, it is also beneficial to the wearer. Wearing cologne not only invites complements, it boosts the confidence and improves the mood of the wearer. Studies conducted at Indiana University have also shown that men's cologne enhances sexual arousal in women, to put it bluntly.

That being said, we recommend wearing cologne not only on specially occasions, but every day. One never knows when it will come in handy and it will give an added charm. After all, if one is going to dress well (and the gentleman does), why not appeal to all the senses? It may also be prudent to stick to one sort of cologne. With consistency, people will grow to associate the particular smell with you, instantly establishing a positive memory of you.

We recommend Eau de Cologne Impériale by the House of Guerlain. Guerlain is one of the oldest perfume houses in the world. They created perfumes for Queen Victoria of Great Britain, Queen Isabella II of Spain, and other royalty. In 1853 they created Eau de Cologne Impériale, gaining them the patronage of Napoleon III and the title 'His Majesty's Official Perfumer' in France. Famous for its top note of bergamot and Neroli with lemon and subtle undertones of orange, and Verbena, Impériale features a lavender middle note and base notes of cedar and Tonka Beans.

Impériale has been made since 1853, making it one of the oldest continuously produced colognes in existence. It is a very charming and traditional scent; classy and elegant. It is worth noting that some users have complained that the cologne lacks longevity. We, however, feel that the beautiful scent is worth the trouble of a few re-applications when necessary. Remember, it was good enough for Emperor Napoleon III.

Join the Conversation! Leave a comment telling us your favourite scent!

Repose of Nobility

2010-07-21T20:10:00.003+01:00

The noble traits that our ancestors once took for granted are dead. Nobility has been murdered. The culprit? Laziness. The abettor? Contentment. Too often members of modern society are content with climbing out of bed, throwing on their 'comfortable' (often common and tasteless) clothes, and blending in with the rest of the world as they stroll down the easiest possible route.

But it is the easy route, right? What is the cost? Simply put, the laziness and contentment of society has caused it to throw out all of its principles because it is too lazy to uphold them. The result of this is a disconnected, cruel, careless, and sloppy world devoid of culture. Society has thrown out religion, community, family, quality, formality, and culture. We allow manners and formalities to be thrown out and we allow ourselves to be influenced by pop culture.

There is a remedy to this problem, but it is the individual who must stomach the medicine. By settling for the mediocrity of modern living the individual is making a fool of himself. Each person should strive always to be at his best at the risk of being lowlier than the worm. You can help amend this social disease by taking action yourself and changing your own lifestyle. Try harder than your neighbour and don't worry if it seems like your efforts are undervalued. Remember that society is diseased. This illness impares its ability to value the cure. But mark my words, your efforts will not go unnoticed in the long run. You will be a better person and real society will see this.

This is where Swell & Dandy comes in. We are here to guide your transformation. We have the remedy. Modern society may have killed the nobility of our ancestors, but we will revive it in our generation. It is our duty to save civilisation. Conscious efforts to behave as truly civilised beings is not asking much.

Some Hymns for the Occasion

2010-07-14T10:00:00.000+01:00

To-day, Bastille day, France celebrates its national holiday, but what is the real significance of Bastille day? The death of the French monarchy. What horror! Quelle domage! To-day, rather than celebrating, the world should be in mourning. Below I have compiled various French Monarchist hymns for those who do wish to show their support of the Bourbons and the Monarchy. Vive le Roi!

Anything Goes

2010-07-11T18:29:00.003+01:00

Our last article introduced Cole Porter's "Anything Goes". We thought it might be swell for our readers to be able to hear the song, so here it is.

Theme Song for the 21st Century

2010-07-07T10:00:00.001+01:00

Several weeks ago we came acrossed a song that we feel sums up our misfortunate 21st century society, but there's a twist: the song was written in 1934!

Cole Porter's "Anything Goes" was written for his musical of the same name. The song's lyrics, though dated and filled with thirties cultural references, the message of the song is clear; the world has changed for the worse. Below are the song's lyrics in bold with our notes throughout in italics.

Times have changed
And we've often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God knows,
Anything goes.
Good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose.
This line refers simply to the use of profanity in media and pop culture, particularly literature.
Anything goes.
If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Mae West was an actress from the period who was renowned for her overt sexuality and promiscuity.
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose.
When ev'ry night the set that's smart is in-
Truding in nudist parties in
Studios.
These last few lines note the obvious change in the cultural mores of the time, particularly sexual mores.
Anything goes.

When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Evalyn Walsh Mclean was a famous socialite of the time. She was the wife of Ned Mclean, then owner of the Washington Post. She is criticised here likely because she was resented at the time for spending lavishly (i.e., a multi-million dollar birthday party for her dog).
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
'Reds' is a reference to Communists while 'yes her' suggests fornication.
Then I suppose
Anything goes.
When Rockefeller still can hoard en-
Ough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,
Rockefeller, being the richest man in history, is called out in this line for have money to blow, as it were, in the midst of a depression. Max Gordon was a stage and film producer.
Anything goes.
The world has gone mad today
Hear, hear!
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaux.
'Chateaux' is the French for 'castles'.
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
A 'jitney' is a taxi.
Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys
The Vanderbilts and Whitneys were wealthy families of the time
Lack baby clo'es,
A depression era tune, the song muses at the idea of even the wealthiest being potentially unable to afford such essentials as baby clothes.
Anything goes.

If Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction,
Then Anna shows
Anything goes.
This is a reference to an instance when Goldwyn, the renowned film producer, hired actress Anna Sten to star in the film "Nana". Sten, a German, had to be instructed in English and Goldwyn provided an instructor who worked with her for a year. Goldwyn didn't notice how bad her accent was, but the audiences could scarcely make out a single word. The filmed flopped and became the butt of jokes for a time.
When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes,
Elsie de Wolfe, famous socialite, once caused a scandal by attending a fancy-dress ball in France dressed as a Moulin Rouge dancer and turning handsprings. She was remarkably spry for her age (at least seventy) practicing yoga and acrobatics daily.
Anything goes.
Just think of those shocks you've got
And those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From that news you've got
And those pains you've got
(If any brains you've got)
From those little radios.
So Missus R., with all her trimmin's,
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
'Cause Franklin knows
Missus R. and Franklin are the Roosevelts. This line is a reference to the First Lady's weekly radio programme (not to mention her numerous newspaper columns, notably "My Day") which was sponsored by a mattress company.
Anything goes.

It Isn't Swell to Swear

2010-07-06T10:00:00.002+01:00

Profanity has plagued polite society for centuries. To-day, it seems, the youth are particularly fond of swearing. Swearing may seem fun or charming to some, but in all honesty it is no more than its name suggests: profane. Cursing is, quite frankly, as common as muck. It immediately gives an impression of an unsophisticated, uneducated twit even if this is not at all the case.

Cursing is an easy habit to fall into and a hard one to break. Sometimes even otherwise civilised gentlemen fall victim to this disgusting habit. One doesn't have to be a prude to avoid cursing. It simply takes a concerted effort and true desire to stop. Understand the importance of avoiding profanity. Profanity makes you look like a worse person than you actually are. It is common and can easily offend people. People will appreciate you for your honourable efforts towards keeping it clean.

When you deside to quit and understand why you must, start noting your bad habit. Why and when do you swear? Knowing the answer to this question will help you avoid those conditions. Make a promise to yourself to quit. Only you can stop your own habits. This isn't to say, however, that you shouldn't enlist help. Make a pact with another friend who wants to quit and work together, or let your friends and family know you are trying so that they can encourage and guide you.

Learn to better express yourself in conversation and the need to swear will fade away. The English language is rich with words at your disposal; use them! Enrich your vocabulary and be more eloquent in your speech patterns. Find alternative words to replace your favourite swear words. We advise against words 'frick' or the like. These words come off as just as common as actual swear words. Try to use words like 'balderdash', 'poppycock', 'confound it' or 'blast'. The word 'bloody', though hardly offensive by comparison, especially to our desensitised modern ears, is a rather crude word and should be avoided if it can be helped, though we concede it is better than most alternatives.

Don't be afraid to use the stick-and-carrot method. Punish yourself with a 'swear jar' and then donate the money to charity or the Church. Reward yourself for victories over your nasty habit with little treats. Remember that like all bad habits it will be difficult to quit cursing. Stick to your guns and with proper determination you will be victorious. As a final note, the misuse of the Lord's name (i.e., Oh, God!) is offensive to many people and comes off as crude like any swear-words. Even those with no religious beliefs should avoid this mistake out of respect and courtesy for those who might be offended.

The Thirteen Virtues of Benjamin Franklin

2010-07-04T19:46:00.004+01:00

Benjamin Franklin was a renowned author, diplomat, politician, and inventor; a regular renaissance man. He is best known for being one of America's founding fathers. It is fitting that we should discuss Benjamin Franklin to-day, as our friends across the pond celebrate their national holiday, but it isn't just a seasonal topic. While the birth of a nation may have been Franklin's best known project, one of his greatest is by far underrated.

Franklin is a remarkable role model for men to-day. Well-rounded, he was always striving to improve himself. His greatest work, in our humble opinion, is his series of thirteen virtues which he developed at age twenty and used to guide his life from that point on. Every man would do well to take a leaf from his book.

Franklin would work on one of the thirteen each week "leaving all others to their ordinary chance". He kept a collection of thirteen charts which listed each virtue in the rows and each day of the week in the columns. He would place a mark next to each virtue if he violated it. After thirteen weeks he would have cycled through all the virtues and would then begin again.

We would be doing a great service to ourselves and to society by imitating Franklin, working on one of these virtues each week and logging our process. One can only expect never to attain perfection, but to be satisfied with mediocrity will not suffice. Throughout our lives we must continue to strive towards perfection even though we can only hope to obtain it in death and rebirth. Men who do not strive always to better themselves, but rather are content to wallow in callous imperfection, are not men at all but animals.

Listed below are Franklin's virtues with descriptions in his own words.

1. TEMPERANCE.Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.

11.TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Fifty Essential Books, Part II

2010-07-04T17:18:00.005+01:00

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
This Pulitzer Prize winner is set in the Great Depression. This excellent piece of literature features themes of family, community, and materialism.

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The publication of this novel resulted in the prosecution of its author for offending public morals. This racy story follows a bourgeois French-woman who leaves her husband to have a scandalous affair.

King Lear by William Shakespeare
Probably Shakespeare's most sorrowful tragedy, this play contains themes of apocalypse, existance, and human nature.

Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
Another of Shakespeare's tragedies, Julius Caesar is set in ancient Rome. Beginning with Caesar's defeat of Pompey, the play reaches its peak with the assassination of Caesar and its aftermath. A brilliant and intricate work.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
Probably Shakespeare's best know work, Romeo and Juliet is the paragon of romance stories. If you read only one of Shakespeare's many brilliant works, make it this one.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville
A philosophically deep novel, Melville's masterpiece is a brilliant tale of adventure and obsession. Look deeper for metaphors for life, death, and theology.

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
Her ordinary life fell apart at the seams when Hitler came to power. This terrifying true story tells us of the horrors of the holocaust through the eyes of a young Jewish girl named Anne Frank.

The English National Character by Peter Mandler
This sociological work examines what it means to be English. These insights on who the English are and why will give one, even the likes of John Bull, a new perspective on being English.

Confessions by Saint Augustine of Hippo
One of the most popular theological works of all time, this autobiography explains the life, spiritual experiences, and theological revelations of an important Saint and Doctor of the Church.

Ulysses by James Joyce
Controversial from its conception, this well-written modern masterpiece will keep readers transfixed. Considered by many to be the greatest, most influencial novel of the 20th century.

The Young Man's Guide by William A. Alcott
This excellent book guides young men in ettiquette, lifestyle, and conduct. No man should not read this book.

Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
Set in 16th century Spain, this early tale follows the adventures of Don Quixote and his faithful squire.

The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri
One of the greatest literary works of all time, The Divine Comedy follows the fictional journey of a man through Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Playing on the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, this remarkable novel portrays good and evil and the rivalry of two brothers.

Tarzan of the Apes Edgar Rice Burroughs
A classic tale of romance and adventure, this novel explores a common theme of 18th and 19th century literature- the noble savage.

Paradise Lost by John Milton
Probably the greatest epic poems ever written, Paradise Lost retells the biblical story of Adam and Eve and original sin.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
A tale of revenge, this novel by renowned French author Dumas follows the escape of a wrongfully imprisoned man to an island and a fortune which will enable him to carry out justice on his own behalf.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Centering on an engaged couple suddenly wrought with scandal, this novel calls into question the social mores of New York society in the 1870s. An excellent portrayal of the charm and culture of the upper class of the period and well deserving of its 1921 Pulitzer Prize (the first ever to be awarded to a woman).

In Memorium A.H.H. by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Though not technically a book, this remarkable and unique poem, a favourite of Queen Victoria, takes us through the stages of grief. In it can be found great solace even in times of great struggle and sorrow.

The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis
This classic of religious instruction, inspiration, and guidance is second only to the Bible itself. Popular for centuries this book is a remarkable guide for all Christians hoping to strengthen their faith.

Candide by Voltaire
This satire originally offended everyone: the Church, the King, the soldiers, and the citizens. To-day it offers an insight to the unfortunate corruption of medieval institutions which have since improved to serve us well. Voltaire explores to opposite philosophies as well: optimism and realism.

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien
An unusual and brilliant tale of war, this book on Vietnam is presented as a work of fiction, yet many to-day speculate that many of the events are based on actual events. This book is not really a memoire, a series of short stories, or a novel, but rather combines aspects of all three genres in a unique way.

Into Africa by Martin Dugard
This riveting historical narrative follows the adventures of Henry Morgan Stanley and missionary and explorer David Livingstone in Africa in the 1860s.

A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
When to women travel to British India they are upset to find British society recreated. Determined to get the real Indian experience, they venture out of Chandrapore and set out on a journey of adventure and culture. An enlightening portrayal of imperialism.

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
This exciting and intriguing novella centres on themes of imperialism, adventure, human nature, and racism in colonial Africa. Conrad expresses distaste toward European imperialism as opposed to British imperialism which he indicates is superior.

Fifty Essential Books, Part I

Fifty Essential Books, Part I

2010-07-02T19:13:00.010+01:00

The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
A "classic study of power", The Prince, examines the proper way of obtaining power and governing. The handbook of monarchs for centuries, this classic work remains a pillar in the art of power and influence.

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Focusing on utopia gone awry, Huxley warns of the damage the future, its consumerism, its over-stimulation, and its lack of morality may cause to society in this riveting satire.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Ranked as one of the best novels of the 20th century, the Great Gatsby centres around a life of luxury. A classic and quintessential piece of American literature.

The Republic by Plato
Written over three-hundred years before the birth of Christ, The Republic, one of the world's most influencial philosophical and political writings, is philosopher Plato's best known work.

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
Comparable to The Prince, this modern guide to influence and power is a remarkable read for any gentleman hoping to gain an upper hand in society.

The 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene
Another of Robert Greene's three books on Power, The 33 Strategies of War, applies battlefield tactics to everyday life featuring historic examples.

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
It's not all sex in seduction. This book, also by Robert Greene, acts as a guide to using psycology to manipulate others to do one's will. An excellent companion to the previous two.

The Portrait of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Written by a fellow dandy and set in Victorian England, the Portrait of Dorian Gray explores the concept of immortality and a life without consequences.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding
When an aeroplane full of schoolboys lands on a deserted island the social norms in which we are raised begin to fall apart at the sems. This excellent tale of survival explores the concept of civilisation in the face of brutal reality and struggle.

The Iliad by Homer
One of history's greatest classics, Homer's Iliad is the paragon of Greek mythology. Another quintessential, this is a classic one simply must have under one's belt in order to carry out elevated conversation and witty banter.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
A very well-known classic, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein paints a picture of a world in which science is allowed to lead blindly without morality. No, the film will not suffice. The book is by far superior.

Animal Farm by George Orwell
This satire against communism is a quick read and illustrates the dangers of political instability, ignorance, and communism in a light-hearted, amusing fashion, if such a thing is possible.

An American Childhood by Annie Dillard
Everyone needs to think back to the good old days every now and then. This memoir leaves one pondering what is lacking in the over-stimulated childhoods of the computer generation.

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
This classic political work explains the importance of governance, the social contact theory, and monarchy. There comes a time in every young person's life when he must embrace the system and put away childish rebellions. The Leviathan will explain the merits of the necessary evil we call government.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu
This work from the East on military strategy has had a major impact on our history. A must read.

The Trew Law of Free Monarchies by King James I of England
Written as a guide on the proper governance of a sovereign for his son, the Prince, this work is an excellent, albeit obscure, piece on monarchic government.

The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Despite its socialist message, this novel has much significance for us aside from mere entertainment value. Following the lives of early, misfortunate European immigrants to America, this novel speaks against political corruption, the dangers of big business and consumerism, and in favour of compassion towards humans. Prepare your tissues- this one's a tear-jerker.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
My personal favourite work by Dickens, this story follows the life of its hero from a young age as he developes into a young gentleman.

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
This story, set in London and Paris, centres on the French revolution with themes of suffering, love, honour, and sacrifice. As with any piece by Dickens, it's both brilliant and a classic.

The Leopard by Giuseppe di Lampedusa
Translated into English from its original Italian, this fascinating tale revolves around the Sicilian Royal Family in the midst of revolution and the unification of Italy.

Redcoats and Rebels by Christopher Hibbert
This narrative history takes an interesting perspective of the American Revolution; it tells the same story, but from the British perspective. An excellent read for those wanting a more indepth look at the history of the war that made America.

All Quiet On The Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
Written by a German WWI veteran, this great war novel highlights the strife and horror experienced by soldiers at the front.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Dealing with issues of racism this book follows the childhood experiences of Scout Finch, a young girl growing up in the American South during the Great Depression.

The Queen Mother: The Official Biography by William Shawcross
This biography relates to us the life of an influencial woman: Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother. Born in 1900, she lived through both World Wars and lived to see two millenia. The daughter of an earl, the consort of King George VI, and the mother of Queen Elizabeth II, her legacy is one which shall not soon be forgotten.

The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel
A convert from atheism to Christianity, Strobel puts the Faith on trial. With expert testimony he builds a case for Christianity. Excellent for the 'Doubting Thomas' in all of us.

Sit tight! This has been part one of two of our Fifty Essential Books. Stayed tuned for part two!

Fifty Essential Books, Part II

Life Has A Required Reading List

2010-07-02T01:45:00.005+01:00

'There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.' - Joseph Brodsky

With hundreds of action-packed television channels streaming into each household across the globe, not to mention the internet, one may wonder what is the point of books? Well, good sirs, here is your answer. Reading is undenably one of the requirements of civilised living.

Being well read is always associated with being intelligent, well-educated, and well-bred. Being familiar with literary classics will not only help you participate in elevated discussion of literature, but will also broaden your perspectives on many fields of study. Through literature one can come to understand philanthropy, sociology, history, and much more. It stretches the mind and stimulates creativity. There is so much to be gained from reading that one can scarcely understand why it isn't more widespread.

People have been reading for centuries. It is not only fun and entertaining, but it is also the quickest, easiest way to instantly increase one's intellect and improve oneself. If you've fallen out of the habit of reading regularly then we challenge you to get on the band wagon and pick up a good book this weekend. But don't stop there. Read to your children. Start a book discussion group and rope your friends into it as well. When you've finished, pick up another book and take it from the top. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain, so switch off that television and get reading. If you're not sure what to read, the Norton Anthology is a good place to start. Tomorrow we will publish our own list of essential works for your enjoyment. Remember, reading is an inexpensive hobby. All one needs is a library card.

Fifty Essential Books, Part I
Fifty Essential Books, Part II

Gone by the Wayside: Tobacco Pipes

2010-06-30T00:15:00.005+01:00

To-day in Gone By The Wayside we feature an art that has all but burnt out, if you can forgive the pun. Reaching Greece and Rome from Eastern neighbours in ancient times to be expanded across the West to the Celts and Germanic tribes, pipe smoking is the oldest, most traditional form of smoking tobacco. Smoking a pipe has long symbolised leisure and sophistication. In recent times, however, pipe smoking has become less appealing to younger generations, resulting in its decline.

At Swell & Dandy we are not medical doctors, nor are we scientists. Medical professionals claim that smoking tobacco leads to many health risks and may shorten ones life. We will take no position on this statement, as medicine is not our expertise. However, there are several studies that suggest that pipe smoking, as opposed to cigarette smoking, is less dangerous. A study appeared in a 1990 issue of The Compleat Smoker which suggested that men who smoke pipes, on average, live to be 78 years old compared to the 76 years of the average non-smoking male. Studies also indicate that pipe smoking is less addictive than cigarette smoking and that pipe tobacco contains less addictives. Again, we don't profess to be a science journal, but rather a gentleman's guide. Our guidance is that a gentleman who enjoys a pipe is certainly classier than one who puffs on cigarettes.

We are not suggesting that every gentleman should take up smoking. On the contrary, there is something admirable in a man who is free of habit and vice. However, for those chaps who do smoke, smoking a pipe may be worth looking into. Remember that pipe smoking is an art. One must work at it before one masters it, but the sophisticated relaxation is well worth the effort.

For more information, pick up a copy of The Ultimate Pipe Book and also have a look at this list of notable pipe smokers. Pipes and pipe tobacco are available at one's local smoke shop.

Victoria's Jubilee

2010-06-28T06:00:00.000+01:00

To-day we celebrate the coronation of Queen Victoria and the beginning of the Victorian era which occurred on this date (28 June) in 1837.

Human civilisation has been developing and changing for centuries. Throughout history we have learned from our mistakes and built on the past, the end result being our current situation. Arguably, the most influential of historic periods, thus far, has been the sixty-four-year reign of Britain’s Queen Victoria of Hanover beginning in 1837 Anno Domini Nostri Iesu Christi. This period, known as the Victorian era, through its many social and technological changes and developments, ultimately shaped modern society in a way to which no other period in history can compare.

Queen Victoria began her reign at the age of eighteen at the death of her uncle, King William IV, 20 June 1837. She was crowned at Westminster Abbey in London on 28 June 1837. Her first Prime Minister was Lord Melbourne of the Whig party, whose social-welfare-minded policies she tended to appreciate. She married Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha on 10 February 1840. Her reign lasted 63 years and 7 months until her death on 22 January 1901, the longest reign in British history and the longest reign of a female monarch. This lengthy reign allowed the Queen and her court to have a greater impact on the world around her, an impact that lingers to this day.

Call to Arms

2010-06-23T16:59:00.007+01:00

We are publishing this article in response to several disheartening pieces of news of late; for example, the opening of a Catholic church in Belgium on Fridays to Muslims for prayer. Every Friday the Cross is removed and replaced with prayer mats and Islamic icons. This sort of abomination is occuring across Christendom, from the sale of Church properties to Muslims to the sharing of holy places.

Enough is enough. The liberal heretics within the church have taken ecumenism too far. It is one thing to express ideas of love and compassion for those of different faiths; this is what Christ taught us to do; but to compromise our own holy faith, the Church of God, to make others more 'comfortable' is not only a gross betrayal but heresy. Muslims are already pouring into Europe and, in the name of political correctness, we are being forced to make allowances.

It is time we stop lying around to be trod upon. Are we suggesting that the Catholics of Europe rise up in arms and drive the Muslims back to the East? No. But we are suggesting that we stop bending over backwards for them. Remember that this is the Church of Christ we are talking about. All our doctrines were establish under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. These are not man-made philosophies, but rather the truths of Christ. Who are we to set them aside to make non-believers feel at home? This is inacceptable and heretical. It is a slur against God. We must be firm in what the Church teaches and not feel obliged to be weak in our convictions. There is no salvation outside of the Church. This is truth which we must embrace. Ecumenism should not mean throwing out the teachings that have been set down by the Holy Spirit over the centuries, but instead should mean reaching out to non-believers that they may come to know Christ.

Edward Gorey

2010-06-20T17:48:00.002+01:00

To-day we thought we would feature a rather strange artist and author, Edward Gorey. Famous for his macabre illustrated story books, Gorey has developed quite a cult following. His stories, notably dark, are written in the style of children's books with full illustration and rhyme, however the often grim themes may not be suitable for young children. An eccentric surrealist, Gorey penned over 100 books, often with a Victorian or Edwardian theme or setting. We certainly found him interesting and encourage our readers to discover the strange world of Mister Gorey for themselves.

Inside A Gentleman's Pockets

2010-06-19T10:00:00.002+01:00

It's customary for men to have at least three pockets at any given time (two side pockets on the trousers and one breast pocket in the jacket). Gentlemen will fill their pockets with a wide variety of different goods. This article will take a shot at listing the quintessential pocket gear of the average dandy, if there is such a thing as an 'average dandy'.

Front Trouser Pockets
Tobacco & Pipe
Matches
Keys
Rosary

Back Pockets
Monogrammed Handkerchief (sometimes tucked into coat sleeve)

Waistcoat Pockets
Pocket Watch with Chain (can be carried in front trouser pockets if waistcoat is lacking)

Inside Jacket Pocket
Wallet containing at least £15 (approx. $30) cash just in case
Fountain Pen (stored upright to avoid leaking)
Calling Cards

Of course, one might also carry chapstick and perhaps breath mints and one's mobile if one must. We don't recommend carrying loose coins if it can be avoided; a gentlmen should be known for looking dashing and being well-mannered, not for jingling when he walks.

Top 10 Most Societally Damaging Inventions

2010-06-18T05:11:00.004+01:00

10. Soy Products
Number 10 on our list, Soy products are believed to be linked to several health issues. Soy has gone mainstream in to-day's food, but in truth it is something that should be avoided. Soy distrupts hormone levels, particularly in men, and can lead to reduced sperm count, breast developement, infertility, and various cancers, among other serious issues.

9. Fast Food
This one should come as no surprise. Long story short, fast food is unhealthy and is resulting in people who can't cook and families that don't eat dinner together.

8. Plastic
Yes, Plastic. We have to concede that it's cheap, but at the same time... it's cheap. Plastic may have its uses, but when used as an alternative to finer materials it is a sign of poor quality products. Plastic is tacky, plain and simple. To top it off, it's filling landfills.

7. GPS
Sure, the GPS is a handy little tool, but it's 'handy little tools' just like this that are making our generation so dependent on technology. Unfortunately, fifty years from now people probably won't be able to read a map.

6. Microwave Ovens
Many will argue with me on this one. Yes, the Microwave oven is great for University students and bachelors who can't cook, but it should be used very sparingly. Cooking is best when done properly: in a real oven. It's healthier and tastes far superior. Microwave meals should not replace real home cooking; that's just pure laziness.

5. Video Games
Video games have replaced sports and 'good ol' fashioned' fun. It's really rather sad. Enough said.

4. Birth Control
Birth control has created a society that treats sex like a game. Sex is intended for a husband and wife to concieve children, not as a hobby. With birth control, people think they can have casual sex without consequences, creating the sex-mad culture that surrounds us to-day.

3. Television
Even I enjoy television every now and then, but it's killing society slowly. People are content to sit all day doing nothing. Wake up and do something fun for a change. The television will be there when you get back, I promise. Furthermore, television promotes terrible behaviour and values, from talking with one's mouth full to murder and sex. Everyone should limit their T.V. time, especially, but not only, children.

2. Mobile Phones
Mobile phones are a close second. People are clinically dependent on them. To be honest, it's disgusting. People can't remember phone numbers because they have contact lists. People are constantly texting, which is remarkably rude by the way, not to mention pathetic. People should communicate in person. Over 80% of communication is non-verbal, so words alone cannot express the ideas one intends to transmit. It takes tone, facial expressions, gestures, et cetera. Several studies suggest that text messaging is ruining people's ability to communicate in reality. We're losing our social skills. Text messaging was never intended for conversation, but rather simple memos and messages. It doesn't replace letters, phone calls, or face-to-face communication. Furthermore, mobile phones make people think they have carte blanche to talk on the phone whenever and wherever. That's very rude and, frankly, common. Exercise reserve when using your mobile.

1. Internet
How ironic it seems that the worst of all inventions is the very invention that powers this journal: the internet. The Internet has done unfathomable damage to society, from decline of newspapers to social networking and overstimulation. The horrors are simply too much to list. We cannot allow ourselves to become addicted to this contraption. Remember that technology is here to serve us, not the other way around. It's fine in moderation, but for pity's sake get a life. Enjoy the sunshine and don't let technology define any aspect of your life.

Gone by the Wayside: Hot Water Bottles

2010-06-16T10:00:00.000+01:00

The Hot Water Battle as is known to-day was first patented by Croatian inventor Slavoljub Eduard Penkala in 1903. Incidentally, Penkala also was the first to patent the fountain pen. The concept of the Hot Water Bottle dates back to the 16th century. Early predecessors to the Hot Water Bottle, bed warmers, were constructed from metal, filled with embers from the fireplace, and used to heat the bed before retiring for the night.

Eventually, containers filled with hot water came into use. Unlike the bed warmer these containers; made from metals, glass, earthware, or wood and wrapper in cloth; could be kept in bed with the sleeper. It wasn't until the 1830's with Charles Goodyear's invention of vulcanised rubber that the modern Hot Water Bottle emerged.

Hot Water Bottles have all but disappeared now days. Since the late 20th century, with better heating and the invention of electric blankets and heating pads, the use of Hot Water Bottles has declined. Hot Water Bottles, however, have several advantages over more contemporary alternatives. For instance, Hot Water Bottles use no electricity and thus cost nothing to use and can be used when power is unavailable. They can also be used to sooth pain by applying heat to sore muscles.

So the next time you're shivering in your sheets, curl up with a Hot Water Bottle. They are available at most Drug Stores, but you can also find them on Amazon.com.

New Segment: Gone By the Wayside

2010-06-15T10:00:00.000+01:00

We at Swell & Dandy would like to introduce a new segment: Gone By the Wayside. Gone By the Wayside will be published periodically and will feature a different apparatus, practice, tradition, et cetera which has 'gone by the wayside' or in other words has fallen out of use (entirely or mostly) in modern times. Our first article, featuring hot water bottles, will appear tomorrow.

New Layout!

2010-06-15T01:34:00.004+01:00

You may have noticed some changes in our layout. We now have a more efficient and colourful setup that features three columns as opposed to two. We'd love to hear your feedback, so leave a comment or send an email to swell.and.dandy@gmail.com.

Prince Charles Must Be A Republican...

2010-06-14T20:33:00.000+01:00

The centuries-old line of British monarchs must be rolling in their graves as Prince Charles presents yet another daft idea to a no-so-captive audience. Late last week the Prince of Wales made a speech to students at Oxford University urging the world to 'follow the Islamic way to save the world'. The Prince's point was that Islam teaches its followers to respect nature, thus following Islamic teachings would be beneficial to the environment. It is worth noting, I think, that Islam also teaches peace, but many Muslims tend to stray far from this principle as well.

Abandoning the Christian values Britain has held for centuries will certainly not bring about a greater good, but rather weaken us further. Is it worth commiting heresy to try to improve the environment? If the Prince is willing to put the green movement before the souls of his people, a people whom the monarchy is charged by God to protect, then he clearly needs to sort out his priorities. It is my conclusion that Prince Charles must be a republican, because he seems to be trying to kill the monarchy every chance he gets by soiling its reputation.

I have the utmost respect for the monarchy and will be a staunch monarchist until I breath my last, but despite the esteem in which I hold the Royal Family, I find great difficulty respecting Prince Charles. I would contend, in fact, that given the Prince's outspoken eagerness to practice Islam that he should not legally be able to ascend to the throne, given that the Sovereign must also be head of the Church of England.

Between Prince Charles and the pro-Islam, pro-pagan Archbishop of Canterbury the Church of England may be at the end of the line. I pray to God almighty that the Queen outlives her son. If Charles comes to the throne we may see the end of the monarchy and Anglicans will be breaking out the burqas. A bit of advice, Your Highness: You don't have to be a Muslim to recycle.

God save the Queen, and long may She reign!

Dandy Dormitory Décor

2010-05-29T15:37:00.016+01:00

As promised, we've finally compiled our article on Dandy Dormitory Décor for all our readers at University. As any student will tell you, turning a bland, sterile-looking cell of a dormitory room into a refined and elegant home without spending more than you are on tuition is a next-to-impossible feat. Have no fear; we've come to the rescue! After visiting a private Catholic institution we discovered two suitable rooms to help prompt your creative energies; one that of a first-year student, the other that of a graduating fourth year student. Between the two of them you will see how to start and where to finish.

For incoming University students, you have a clean slate with which to work. To prevent bankruptcy, most first year students will begin on a small scale, improving their rooms over time rather than all at once. At the institution we visited all students were given standard furnishings which they were obliged to keep in their rooms. One must have the flexibility to work with these conditions. Our first room is that of first year student, Monsieur C. T. of room 114.

Upon entering we find a very small, shared room (first year students are obliged to keep roommates) which has been made a quiant, functional home. The boring blinds are put to disuse and replaced by curtains and a hand-stitched quilt graces one of the beds. At the window is a potted ivy plant. Live plants are splendid devices for making hospital-like rooms more homey. Note the portraits of Tsar Nicholas II (right) and Queen Elizabeth II (left).

Another bed is dressed in red with gold silk cushions. When not utilised for dormancy, the beds are used as settees for entertaining guests. On the walls about the bed we can see a map of London, the Union Jack (our host is a notable Anglophile), and a portrait of the late George III among various religious icons. On the far right we can just see a gilt-framed mirror, a fine example of Victorian taste. It looks as if Monsieur is expecting for tea; the china has been set out.

Here we can see Monsieur's desk. One of those aforementioned 'standard furnishings' Monsieur has transformed an average desk into a conversation piece. Upon closer inspection one will note that the vase perched on top matches the lamp on the desk. The multitude of books on every level give a scholarly and gentlemanly look. Old photographs can be seen on the desk, including a family portrait of the late Tsar. The Imperial Russian Cossack hat next to the crystal dish on the top right is especially interesting, though our favourites are the old-fashioned gent's barbershop powder, shaving brush, and straight-edge razor on the top left.

This room shows that attention to detail is key. Even the smallest curio or objet d'art will prove an interesting piece for one's room. In fact, a room full of little but extraordinary and uncommon trinkets keeps recurring guests intrigued. On our way out we saw a fine Latin motto over the door, Virtus Invicta Gloriosa, and a font for holy water. And while most residents require company to knock first, Monsieur has a doorbell (available wireless so no modifications necessary).Down the hall we came upon the room of Mister Joseph C. Stewart V, fourth-year student. Mister Stewart, who reminded us that his room started much like that of Monsieur C. T., presented us with a lavish room that was nearly unrecognisable as a dormitory room. Mister Stewart was fortunate enough to reside in a double suite (2 rooms, +1 private W.C.) without a roommate.
Mister Stewart uses his front room to entertain guests. The sofa is covered with cushions and a throw blanket which help to tie together the colours in the room. Floor lamps and table-top lamps replace the harsh, florescent lighting fixture on the ceiling which is never used. Plants are utilised again here, making the room all the more pleasant. The cushioned foot-stool and the trunk beneath the window are a nice touch.

Mister Stewart was very creative in bringing in an old fireplace mantle, which we think ties the whole room together. Several fine, leather-bound books are placed between bookends amongst a collection of owls, candles, and curios while Mister Stewart cleverly hides the television underneath. Behind the veiled door, which features an unusual clown-shaped heurtoir, we found Mister Stewart's chambers.

This photograph highlights several interesting features of this room, including a collection of watches and, just barely visable to the left, a chess set. Our favourite piece is the fez-sporting bust on top of the desk.
This final photograph shows us an elegant, leather-topped table displaying various curios beneath a painting of an owl. Mister Stewart's second desk is just visable in the lower right-hand corner.

As these tasteful dwellings exhibit, even budgeted students with limited space and materials can transform their environments with the proper skills and creativity. Try similar decorating in your own dormitory and send photographs to us at Swell & Dandy (swell.and.dandy@gmail.com) and maybe we will feature your room too.

The Rise of Pop Culture and Juvenile Crime

2010-05-05T09:15:00.001+01:00

Laissez-faire capitalist policies of the 1830s saw the development of a “profit-oriented” pop culture. Penny theatres or ‘gaffs’ began to spring up across Britain. Penny theatres showed variety shows including melodrama, pantomime, and singing and dance. They are comparable to modern-day MTV.

The Victorian Era is best known for its prudishness as exemplified by Queen Victoria’s famous “We are not amused” line. However, few realise that while upper-crust, well-to-do Victorians valued morality and decency, prostitution thrived and juvenile crime skyrocketed.

To-day it is assumed that juvenile crime is influenced by the violence of pop culture; the depiction of graphic violence in cinema and video games as well as the glorification of criminals in film and on television. Likewise, in the Victorian era, the rise of juvenile crime rates was blamed on the depiction of crime and glorification of criminals in literature and theatre.

Penny gaffs were packed nightly by children, who enjoyed plays about a thief anti-hero called Jack Sheppard, based on the novel by William Harrison Ainsworth. Several other plays and writings exhibited and glamorised ideas that where held with moral disdain at the time. To combat these issues, parents wrote scathing letters to publishers, public officials, and theatre owners. Eventually the government began to crack down on non-licensed theatres in hopes of shutting down several penny gaffs which they believed would help resolve the issue of juvenile crime.

Faith of Our Fathers

2010-05-04T20:50:00.003+01:00

Today in England we celebrate the Feast of the Beatified Martyrs of England and Wales.

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"MERRY ENGLAND"

Merry, merry, merry England,
Isle of Saints and Martyrs blest!
Shining witnesses to Jesus,
Now enjoying Heavenly rest.
Happy England, Mary's Dowry,
Gladly own that cherished Name;
English hearts throughout the ages
Find their comfort in the same.

England, land of fairest Angles,
Apple of Saint Gregory's eye;
Fruitful land where Saints did scatter
Seeds of faith which never die.
Holy England, Catholic England,
Favoured Child of Church of Rome!
Once thy kings, as well as paupers
Kept the Faith within their homes.

Glorious England, land of Martyrs,
Giving forth a sweet perfume;
English Roses, crimson colored
'Neath the gallows thou didst bloom.
Watered by a tide most precious,
Strengthened by the Lord's own grace;
Manly courage shown in contest,
Crowned with victory in the race!

Merry England, Mary's England,
Be her Dowry as of old.
Thrive again beneath her mantle
In the One and Catholic Fold.
Saints of England send a blessing
From thy place in Heaven above,
On the merry land which housed thee,
Homeland which thy hearts didst love!

By a Carmelite Nun of Rochester
Found at Tea at Trianon

Faith of our fathers, Mary’s prayers
Shall win our country back to Thee;
And through the truth that comes from God,
England shall then indeed be free.

From "Faith of Our Fathers" by Frederick William Faber

1940s Educational Film Humour

2010-04-27T12:34:00.001+01:00

I've come across several silly videos by comedian Harry Enfield made to look like 1940s educational films. They are rather amusing and so I thought I would share them.

Life in 1990

Advertisement Breaks

L is for Labour

Women, Know Your Limits

Women, Don't Drive

Women, Keep Your Virtue

The Conjugal Rights Guide

Christmas Tidings

Methods of Self-Defence

Frightening Diseases of the Mind

Association Football

The Working Class

Victorian Innovation and Its Impact

2010-04-26T12:00:00.001+01:00

The Victorian era saw an explosion in innovation and it is through the uncountable number of inventions that the Victorians influenced the world the most. The most notable Victorian invention is the electric light bulb, invented by Joseph Wilson Swan in 1880. Our modern mobile phones were preceded by the telephone in 1876 and the automatic telephone exchange in 1878. Texting is comparable to the electric telegraph, invented in 1837 by William Fothergill Cooke. Our Ipods might never have been conceived had it not been for the invention of the radio in 1900 and the gramophone in 1877. Even the computer has Victorian predecessors: the punched card tabulator invented by Herman Hollerith in 1884 and the facsimile machine, a device which transmitted images by electricity, invented in 1843 by Alexander Bain.

Modern transportation exists only through the innovation of Victorian inventors. The automobile, a device we would be lost without today, was invented by George Baldwin Selden in 1879. The diesel engine was first conceived by Rudolf Diesel in 1896 while the internal combustion engine was invented by Nicolaus August Otto in 1876. The steam locomotive was introduced in 1846 by Ross Winans and railways were further improved by the invention of the compressed air brake in 1869, the junction interlocking railway signal in 1856, and the Pullman sleeping car in 1865. The essence of modern transportation, the cable street car and the pneumatic railway, or subway, were invented in 1876. In 1878 the ‘Resurgam’ submarine was invented by George William Garrett. Even the bicycle, invented in 1866, was a Victorian invention, followed in 1888 by the innovative pneumatic tyre.

Writing, photography, and film, the greatest influences on modern culture of all time, were profoundly affected if not invented all together in the age of the Victorians. Photography was invented in 1839 and improved in 1888 with the invention of the roll-film camera. If cinema and Hollywood have directly influenced the world, then the Victorians indirectly influenced it with the invention of the motion picture camera in 1886. Without this invention we wouldn’t have decades of television and movies or even Youtube. Writing was altered with the invention of the fountain pen, a predecessor to the modern ballpoint, in 1883 and the typewriter in 1868. Printing was improved in 1884 with the invention of the Linotype.

Almost everything we own today is made, at least in part, from plastic or rubber. Vulcanised rubber was invented by Charles Goodyear in 1844. If it had not been for his improvements to the substance, rubber would have likely fallen out of use and we would not have it today at all. Celluloid, an early plastic originally invented to replace ivory in billiard balls, was invented in 1870 by John Wesley Hyatt Jr. and his brother, Isaiah Hyatt.

So many of our everyday items are rooted in the Victorian era that it would be almost impossible to go through one day without coming into contact with a Victorian invention. Where would we be today had it not been for our Victorian ancestors? The Victorians invented a variety of common items like sewing machines, safety pins, ice making machines, vending machines, the can opener, the dishwasher, crown tops for bottles, and fishing reels. They also invented medical substances like Aspirin and sulphuric ether, an anaesthetic. They even invented breakfast cereal, treadmills, and alarm clocks.

The Birth of Modern Attire

2010-04-26T00:04:00.004+01:00

The Victorians transformed the way we dress to-day. As a result of a rise of Protestant ethic and industrialism, a movement in men’s fashion called the Great Masculine Renunciation came into existence. Men began to dress more practically and less flashily, as is most often the case to-day. However, both then and now had its share of fops and dandies. Men may have been more practical than their baroque predecessors but they were by no means unconcerned with their appearance. Men’s clothing also exhibited a narrow, defined waist, a style that is observably re-emerging to-day in modern designers’ lines.

Several inventions of the Victorian era have also heavily influenced our contemporary fashion. Blue jeans, now a staple in modern casual attire, were invented when Jacob Davis added rivets to hard-wearing denim trousers in 1872. Another modern article of clothing stemming from the Victorian era is the brassière, invented by Marie Tucek in 1893 as a replacement for the corset. At the time of its invention, the brassière was never overly popular but today it has all but completely replaced the corset.

Many will note that the differences between Victorian clothing and the styles of to-day are more notable than are the similarities. While we can not deny this truth, that certainly does not stop us from expressing a desire to return to the more fashionable Victorian era. Top hats and frock coats should be embraced by the modern gentleman. It is said that clothes make the man. Why blend in? Be bold by hinting at the more refined, eloquent days of yore. Victorian fashion is timeless, but forgotten by the modern man, distracted by novelties. It's time to remind the world of its precious past.

Lack of Tact: A Maladroit Homily

2010-04-03T17:40:00.006+01:00

Image: BBC

Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in a recent interview with BBC Radio 4, made several very tactless comments about the Catholic church. Williams claims the church in Ireland has lost "all credibility". These remarks will likely cause strains in the relations between Catholics and Anglicans, a relationship which has historically always been strained in Ireland, and at a time when all Christians should be united in worship and preparation for Easter, the holiest day on the church calendar.

These comments are demoralising to Catholics and are neither needed nor constructive as the church works hard to resolve issues of abuse. The last thing the Irish church needs is for Williams to pour salt on the wounds that the Catholic church is trying to heal. The remarks are especially offensive given that Williams has no jurisdiction in Ireland and no ties to the Catholic church. His remarks come off as political and ad hominem as he makes unwelcome comments about affairs that do not pertain to him. If anything, the Archbishop should be offering his support to the Catholic church in its endeavours to repair what scandal and abuse have harmed.

I am personally shocked by the complete lack of diplomacy on his part. Perhaps Williams should learn from the words of Christ who said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." The Anglican church has crises of its own to handle as the church remains divided between liberal and conservative. Anglicans are leaving the church in droves as people are becoming fed up with it all. Among the issues Williams must face is the scheduled consecration of a second openly homosexual bishop in Los Angeles.

The Archbishop of Canterbury adds insult to injury as he fails to keep checks on his offensive comments by making less-than-Christian remarks about Anglicans who are converting to Catholicism: "God bless them, I don't". Williams's handling of Anglo-Catholic relations is a stark contrast to the handling of former Archbishop of Canterbury Robert Runcie as exemplified by the last papal visit to England in 1982.

In this time of great struggle for the Anglican and Catholic communities, I will pray for Archbishop Williams; that his destructive policies (such as advocating Muslim law in Britain) will not do great harm to the religious community of Britain and the world.

In the Merry, Merry Month of May...

2010-03-27T19:31:00.016Z

One thing I think several otherwise dapper dandies struggle with is proper spring attire. Dressing for autumn and winter is easy; wool frock coats or pea coats, colourful socks, heavy waistcoats, etc. How can one dress for warm weather and still look well-bred? All too often a misguided gentleman will step out of his oxford and into a tee shirt. Heat is no excuse for sloppiness. Here are some fine examples of how to be foppish this spring and summer in pictures.

Enrico Coveri Spring-Summer 2010 men's collection during Milan Fashion Week, Italy. This is reminiscent of early 1900s beach attire. A favourite of mine, though quite eccentric. Photograph from Monsters and Critics.

Enrico Coveri Spring-Summer 2010 men's collection during Milan Fashion Week, Italy. A blazer worn with shorts (preferably khaki) give the appearance of Ivy League or boarding school. Very refined. Photograph from Monsters and Critics.

Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.
Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. The narrow waist in this jacket gives it a very neo-Victorian look. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Rugby Ralph Lauren Spring 2010. Beautiful waistcoat with chains. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Michael Bastian GANT 2010 Collection. Not, however, so much a fan of those particular shorts and the sweater wrapped around the midsection, left unreplaced by one of higher quality, leaves a bad impression. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

Michael Bastian GANT 2010 Collection. Wonderful wool trousers. Note the socks. Photograph from Trendhunter Magazine.

God Have Mercy Upon the English Language

2010-03-27T03:20:00.003Z

The youngest generation today is unfortunately marked by the hideous blight of phatic idiolect. That is to say, a good portion of the population are incapable of forming intellectual, well-thought-out sentences and it seems unlikely that future generations will be taught much better. It is surely a mark of a failing civilisation that over half of the population make themselves seem remarkably incompetent simply by opening their mouths.

The favourite words and phrases of society to-day seem to consist of "um", "uh", "er", "so like", and "yeah". How disgustingly common. The English language is rapidly beginning to sound like a language spoken by neanderthals; communication based on grunts and gurgles. Apart from the charming diction I have just listed, ugly and often vulgar slang words are more widely accepted and less widely understood. Dictionaries are throwing out several eloquent words, substantially narrowing the variety of words available, and including slang terms that were likely formed on a street corner or in a back alley from the mouth of an uneducated hipster.

This decline of the English language is not only grossly disturbing and frightful, but it also suggests the imminent death of civilisation and culture. We are moving backward at a speedy pace towards a severely undesirable end. The problem must be remedied.

You don't have to be a logomaniac to speak clearly and gracefully. Cut out the "filler noises" such as "um" or "like". No one wants to hear something that sounds like a mating animal when they're trying to have an intellectual discussion. Save those noises for the Discovery Channel. I cannot adequately express what a significant impact this advice can have. By simply avoiding such vulgarity as "um" one can seem up to one hundred times more intelligence while indulging in the opposite will result in being dismissed as an uneducated fool.

Le Fleur de Lys too: Table manners at a French table

2010-03-24T05:03:00.001Z

I came upon this splendid article on French table manners at Le Fleur de Lys too. I thought my readers would enjoy reading it.

Thanks to Elena-Maria, I now have a napkin to add to my piece on French Table Manners that I originally posted on 5 Dec, 07. This is surprisingly my most read article. Hardly a day goes by without a hit on this article. So today after reading this piece on what the correct use of a napkins says I thought I would post this again. The link will take you to Tea at Trianon, which will direct you to an additional site with some spectacular table settings.

If this post seems a bit sissy to some, it is not. Dinner at our house was not a hit or miss, catch a bite before you go out, or a frozen dinner. My mother, (as every wife should do) cooked for my father, not for me, my sister or brother. No! We were and (still are, when I am in my mothers house) expected to eat dinner at 5:30. We did not dress for dinner but we also did not show up in dirty clothes with dirty hands. It just wasn't done. We ate in silence, unless an adult asked us a question, and remained at out seat until my father excused us. We either ate what was placed before us or we went hungry. Of course this is all in opposition to today's families, which eat on the run, pick up something on the way home or the way out. We have stopped communicating and watch TV at the table. Oh and we were expected to clean the table, do the dishes and sweep the floor after the meal. The children of today are losing so much... I have updated this post a bit...

You should place your napkin in your lap immediately after being seated.
False. Once the lady of the house places her napkin in her lap, other guests should follow suit.

You should keep the hand that you are not using to hold your fork out of sight.
False. Both hands should be visible at all times.

Use cut your meat with your right hand and eat with your left.
True, the fork is held in the left hand and food is cut with your right. (Only my granddaughter Savannah has mastered this.)

When eating a pie or cake which is cut in a triangle you should eat from the outside to inside to preserve the shape of the desert.True. Never start from the small and eat out, eat from the big side and eat in.

It is permissible to ask to use the restroom during dinner.False, It is rude mal-levé, poorly brought up) to ask to use the restroom at any time while attending a dinner. Go before you leave home. This includes restaurants.

Your bread should go in the upper left edge of your plate.False. Bread is placed directly on the tablecloth, unless it is a formal meal in which bread plates are used.

When the aperitif is served, you wait for the host to give the toast before drinking.
True. You should wait for the host to lead the way, whether an aperitif or dinner course. Once everyone has been served a drink, the host will generally make a short toast after which the glass-clinking begins. It is polite to make eye contact as you say, “Sante'.”

You should tear your bread into a bite-sized piece before eating it.True. It is very impolite to take a bite from the whole piece of bread.

If someone asks you to pass the salt, you pass both the salt and pepper.False. In the U.S., the salt and pepper are “married,” meaning they should always stay together on the table. In France if you are asked for the salt, you simply pass the salt or pepper.

After each course, you should wipe your plate with a piece of bread.True. However, this should be done gently as a means of cleaning the plate for the next course, not slopping up the leftover sauce. It is more polite to use a piece of bread on your fork, rather than in your hand. In a more formal setting, each course is served on a new plate, so cleaning the plate is not necessary.

Wine glasses should be filled up to five millimeters from the brim.False. When pouring wine, stop when the glass is three-fourths full. (If you are a woman the wine glass is usually filled to about half way up. Hence the glass is half full or half empty.)

When invited for apéros, you should bring a gift for the hostess.
False. For apéros, no gift is necessary. If you are invited for dinner, you should bring a gift for the hostess. Good ideas are flowers, or a pre-agreed dessert or cheese dish. My daughter, Genevieve tells me that it is indeed a faux-pas to bring wine to a dinner in France. I apologize.

A French dinner often consists of a salad with vinaigrette for the starter, main course, cheese course, dessert, and coffee. True. Bread, wine, and mineral water are offered throughout the meal.

It is acceptable to eat pommes (french fries)with your fingers.
False. While fast food (ugh!) has made its mark in France, eating foods with your fingers is still strictly limited when you are at the dinner table. If in doubt, follow the lead of your hostess.

Discovered at Le Fleur de Lys too: Table manners at a French table

see also, Tea at Trianon: Don't be a Pig

Sventura, A Satire

2010-03-15T10:53:00.001Z

The following is a satire written of republican governments. As satires often do, it contains exaggerations and sarcasm, but also may offend. Caveat lector.

The Kingdom of Sventura was ruled by the Royal House of Speranza and had been for centuries. These centuries had been filled with corrupt politicians and gluttonous merchants, all of whom were in a never-ending battle to manipulate the naïve citizens of Sventura, to gain their hard-earned wealth and power. This corruption and gluttony had never reached the throne, however, for King Giustino and his consort, Queen Cordelia, were devoted to the service of the people. They alone could protect the people for the harsh effects of manipulative public officials. King Giustino, in fact, was one of the most popular kings the Kingdom of Sventura had ever seen having reformed the government, prevented smugglers from harming local and small business owners, pushed for reform in social welfare, and reduced tax-rates by eliminating the grotesque sums of money that the greedy politicians had been using for their personal gain. Queen Cordelia made every effort to be available to the people. She took a particular interest in the souls of her subjects and the well-being of the poor. Her young daughter, the beautiful Princess Izabella, was already taking an interest in charitable works under her mother’s loving guidance. The pious and noble royal family had only six years ago been blessed with the birth of their son and heir, Prince Donatello, an event which the good people of Sventura are still celebrating, having such high hopes for the playful and happy child who would one day, by the grace of God, reign as king.

In the Kingdom of Sventura, in a small village called Sbagliato, there lived a young man called Innocenzio. Innocenzio was a boy of passion, honesty, and simplicity. He had come of age and was free from the house of his father to start a life entirely his own. Innocenzio was not a man of cunning or sharp wit, but he had an eagerness to prove himself and make his mark in the world, especially if it would help him to win the heart of the beautiful Pomona. Pomona had been his first love, his first temptation, but she had grown bored with him. He was too common for her tastes and had no plan by which to make a name for himself.

Stricken with grief over the loss of his childhood romance, Innocenzio finds his way to the local pub to drink away his sorrow. As he sat at the bar with his glass, Innocenzio occupied his time by listening to a man who was speaking to a surprisingly large crowd. Innocenzio did not find the man particularly interesting. He spoke of politics, a topic which Innocenzio knew little of and had little interest in.

“He has cut off our trade by arresting smugglers,” the man roared. “He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the good of the government. He has refused to pass other laws allowing for the expansion of the powers of politicians, who are so obviously the only honest representatives of the people. He has forbidden us to elect judges, claiming that partisanship will sway them. He has allowed us to be taxed, claiming that we need money for maintaining infrastructure and defence. He has encroached upon our liberties by forbidding us to kill when it is necessary, to steal when it is necessary, and to lie when it is necessary. He maintains a class system on the grounds that men must be allowed to keep what they earn, even if the salaries of a doctor and a barman are disproportionate. A prince whose character is thus marked as a tyrant is unfit to govern a free people.”

Whatever the man was talking about, Innocenzio thought to himself, certainly has excited the people. Soon the crowd had poured out of the pub into the streets leaving the room empty and silent. The man who had delivered the address, however, lingered behind. He approached Innocenzio and bought him a drink.

“Hello, Comrade. I am Desiderio.” he stated, extending his hand.

“I am pleased to meet you, Desiderio, but my name is Innocenzio, not Comrade.”

“As you like it, Innocenzio. What did you think of my speech?”

“To be honest, I found it difficult to follow. I know nothing of politics or the affairs of Sventura.” Innocenzio answered sheepishly.

“Good,” Desiderio responded, “Allow me to inform you.”

Innocenzio, expecting him to be offended by his lack of understanding and interest, was surprised by Desiderio’s pleasure at his answer. At the promise of being treated to a free drink he consented to listen to Desiderio’s “lessons in politics”.

“The king is a bad man. He has all the power in the world and shares it with no one. He is a tyrant and a despot.” said Desiderio.

“But surely the king is not as bad as you say,” Innocenzio questioned. “Has he not allowed for an elected parliament?”

“He has, but the parliament may only pass laws. They may not levy war that we might gain glory for ourselves in battle. They may only pass laws that the king feels to be justice and righteous. A politician may not work for the benefit of his constituents because the king insists that we work for the good of the entire kingdom. How can be ever be re-elected if we must focus on the kingdom’s needs over the needs of our constituency?”

“I suppose this is true, but I am still not convinced,” Innocenzio answered.

“The king is not elected. Did you vote for the king?” demanded Desiderio.

“No, but I did not vote for parliament either,” Innocenzio responded.

“You might not have, but I did. Don’t I deserve the right to elect king? And furthermore, why can I not be king myself? Everyone knows that the elected politicians are put in power to serve the people. I myself am a politician. I live to serve the people honestly and without bias. Surely a king who is born into power is not so.”

“But what of the people who vote against you. Surely you can not represent their views as well as the views of those who support you.”

“Ah, but that is the beauty of republican government! The people who do not vote for me are in the minority. They do not matter.” retorted Desiderio.

“Well, this principle makes sense, I suppose, but what are you suggesting?”

“I trust you, my good friend Innocenzio. I am suggesting that we overthrow the monarchy in the name of the people and institute a republic where politicians shall rule by the people and for the people.” Desiderio smiled.

“I am not convinced that it is justified,” Innocenzio hesitated. “The monarchy still does not seem that terrible to me. We are not experiencing hardships in Sventura.”

“The king covers up the hardships. They are there, I assure you. My friend, how long has the monarchy been around?”

“As long as I can remember,” Innocenzio answered.

“The monarchy has been around since the founding of the Kingdom of Sventura over three hundred years ago. That means the king and his family have been ruling for over three centuries. That is far too long, my good, wise friend. The monarchy is like stale bread. It is like a pair of pungent socks in dire need of changing. The monarchy must go for the sake of progress, and progress we must have for the sake of progress.”

“I can see now that you are right,” said Innocenzio. “We must move forward or be left behind.”

“Precisely! And we shall be left behind if we do not, for all the neighbouring states are revolting against their own monarchies as well. It is clearly a mark of a civilised nation to revolt against the king.”

“What can I do for the cause?” Innocenzio asked eagerly, recalling Pomona’s craving for a man of adventure and importance.

“It is your duty as a good and noble citizen of Sventura to join the revolutionary army and help us abolish the monarchy,” Desiderio spewed.

With that the two men left the pub and joined the growing mob of rabble in the streets. They barrelled down the streets proclaiming a republic and trampling over anyone who stood in their way. Through carnage and blaze they marched on the capital, to the palace.

Innocenzio straggled behind, still not entirely certain what he was supposed to be doing. Suddenly he was awoken from his daydreaming by a call from one of his fellow citizens who was standing in the doorframe of one of the few buildings that had not yet been destroyed.

“What are you doing?” the man demanded, his voice cracking with emotion.

“I am going to the palace to overthrow the monarchy and institute a republic,” Innocenzio replied matter-of-factly.

“Why in God’s name would you do that?” the man, called Nemesio, wailed.

“Because he is a tyrant. Desiderio told me so.”

“Is that a fact?” Nemesio cried. “My dear boy, don’t you have any idea who Desiderio is?”

“He is an honest politician. He is a parliamentarian who care only for the well-being of the people of Sventura. He told me so.”

“And so he would have told you. Desiderio is the most crooked man this great nation has ever seen. He bought his way into parliament by paying voters and promising the unattainable. He is a power-hungry zealot. Do you know why he would have you overthrow the king?”

“Because the king is a tyrant. He told me so.” replied Innocenzio.

“The king is not a tyrant. The king is the only person standing between Desiderio and more power. The king is the voice of the people. The king is not swayed by partisan as is Desiderio.”
“Desiderio says that in a republic the minority opinion is of no consequence and that dissidents do not matter. That is the beauty of a republic.” Innocenzio argued.

“My son, in a monarchy all people matter. No human is of less significance than the next. The king loves all his people and treats them the same regardless of how they vote. Desiderio cares only for the wants of those who put him into power, not for the needs of the kingdom. He would end your life if the majority was in favour of such an act.” pleaded Nemesio.

“Monarchy is out of date. Republican governments are fashionable throughout the region. Look around us. All our neighbouring nations are doing the same as I.” Innocenzio stated.

“And what do you know about that? To the north of us they have slain over half of their population in the name of their republic. To the east they have doubled tax rates in the name of their republic. To the south they have sank into inefficiency. Their republic has divided their people and has since been unable to pass any laws or come to any decision. To the west the republic has failed and a dictator has come to power who has ruined the economy, enslaved the people, and committed genocide. All this in the name of republics!”

“Have monarchs never committed such atrocities?” Innocenzio asked.

“There have been evil sovereigns in history, but it is illogical to suggest on those grounds that monarchy is a poor form of government. Our modern monarchy is not evil. We have today an enlightened sovereign as do most monarchies today. We will not have the liberties we have now under a republic.”

“You are a fool. Why do you uphold the status quo? Are you a radical conservative? Are you a fascist?” Innocenzio demanded.

“My poor misguided friend, it is you who is part of a violent effort to topple the government, not I. Who is the radical?”

“You are an enemy of the republic. I think I will report you to Desiderio.” Innocenzio jeered.
Innocenzio brought Nemesio to Desiderio and explained to him Nemesio’s obviously skewed political ideologies. Upon hearing this, Desiderio ordered a rope and had Nemesio hanged. Innocenzio was shocked by the brutality and horrified at the sight of the execution that had taken place before his very eyes.

“Citizen Innocenzio, there is no place for free thought in a republic. If we have dissidents how will we accomplish anything? We can not have a stable republican government by the people and for the people if they do not want it, thus we must do away with those who do not want it.” Desiderio reassured.

This logic soothed Innocenzio’s doubts and they proceeded through city to the palace. As they approached the palace, Desiderio armed Innocenzio with a gun and told him to defend the republic at any cost and to remember that dissidents have no place in a republic.

By the time Innocenzio had arrived at the palace the glorious army of the republic was already hard at work. Most of the men were filling their arms with riches and fleeing back to their homes to hoard it. Then Innocenzio spotted Desiderio and a small group of armed men escorting the royal family out of the palace.

King Giustino was carrying his young son, Prince Donatello, while Desiderio escorted him at gun-point. Queen Cordelia, also held at gun-point, marched into the streets with great dignity and great sorrow. Her daughter, Princess Izabella was dragged into the streets by her long, beautiful hair by a pair of savage revolutionaries who proceeded to grope her.

“Giustino, you and your family have been declared enemies of the republic and it is the will of the people that you be executed,” Desiderio shouted.

Hearing this, Princess Izabella let out a shriek, Queen Cordelia crossed herself, and Prince Donatella, in his last act on earth, turned to kiss his father on the cheek.

“Fire!” Desiderio barked.

At this command ever revolutionary in earshot, out of love for his nation, fired his gun at the royal family. Bullets whizzed in every direction. They hit the defenceless family causing them a good deal of pain. Several rounds later, they were final killed. The glorious revolutionary army dug through the prince’s pockets in search of valuables and tore the dresses from the bodies of the queen and princess to jeer at the naked corpses before they unceremoniously deposited the remains in an abandoned mineshaft.

“Long live the republic!” Desiderio cheered!

Innocenzio knew that these people had been enemies of the republic and that there is no place for dissidents in republican governments, but nonetheless the graphic violence he had just witnessed disturbed him. He decided to wander the city in hopes of getting his mind off of it. His exploration did little to sooth him.

The city had gone mad. There were riots in the streets, burning buildings, and pillaging revolutionaries. As he passed the local pub which had begun to catch fire, a drunkard called Bardolph stumbled out.

“Hey, you!” he called to Innocenzio.

Innocenzio looked at him.

“Which side are you for then?” Bardolph demanded.

“I am part of the glorious republican army,” Innocenzio responded.

“Good,” Bardolph hiccoughed. “Do you- Do you want to know why I don’t support the king?”

“Why not?” Innocenzio sighed.

“Because he taxes ale and won’t let me be drunk in the streets. The monarchy requires men to behave in a ‘civilised’ manner. The republic lets me hang loose. I need not be a gentleman to ladies in the street now, nor must I work in the day. Why should I work? To benefit the kingdom? The monarchy is dead. The republic will distribute the wealth evenly and I can drink my equal share away. Then when the barman becomes a billionaire, the republic can redistribute the wealth, taking from the rich barman and giving to the poor: me!” Bardolph sneered, jabbing his thumbs into his chest causing himself to vomit.

Innocenzio hurried away to another street. He passed the church where he had attended as a child. It had been ransacked an striped of its valuables in the name of the republic. Father Zadok sat sobbing on the steps.

“Why are you crying, Father?” Innocenzio asked.

“They have defiled the house of God,” the priest whimpered.

“But, Father, surely it is for a greater good. The gold from the church will fund the republic.”
“The gold from the church will find its way into the pockets of the corrupt. The people will not see a single penny.” Father Zadok cried.

“Father, won’t God be pleased that we are establishing a more fair government for the people?” Innocenzio offered.

“My son, have you no understanding of divine right? God himself appoints kings as his representatives on earth.”

“You don’t believe that superstition, do you?” Innocenzio asked.

“Innocenzio, who decides who is born and who is not?”

“God, of course.”

“So then if kings are born, who decides who will be the next king when the old one dies? God, child! Further still, who decides when the old king’s term has finished? God! God is called King of Kings, not of republics. A king rules by the grace of God. Kings are the Lord’s anointed. You have slain the Lord’s anointed viceroy!” Father Zadok sobbed.

Hearing dissidence in the distance, Desiderio appeared at Innocenzio’s side.

“You should not be swayed by religious zealots, Innocenzio. Religion is for the weakness. It will hold you back.” said Desiderio.

He then proceeded to run the good priest through with a bayonet, killing him.

“Come now, Innocenzio, let us go have some fun.” Desiderio smiled at his now fearful friend. '

“Desiderio, I am concerned,” Innocenzio began.

“Innocenzio, I want you to call me President now, not Desiderio,” Desiderio insisted sternly.
“But we have not held an election, have we?” asked Innocenzio.

“I held an election a few hours ago among my newly appointed officers of the grand republican army. I ran unopposed and was elected to lead the republic.”

“Oh,” Innocenzio sighed.

“Cheer up, Comrade. Have a look over there at that beautiful woman. Why not go and enjoy yourself? We are victorious, after all.”

Looking in the direction Desiderio had pointed, Innocenzio spotted Pomona. Seeing her made his cares melt and his heart flutter. He rushed to her.

“Pomona! Look what I have become for you! I am a part of the republic!” he offered cheerfully.

“I can see full well what you have become, Innocenzio. You are a monster.” Pomona snarled.

“I do not understand. You wanted me to make a name for myself, to be part of something. I have done this for you.”

“You have murdered for me? You have ruined the kingdom for me? If that is the case then I do not wish to live.” Pomona retorted.

“But Pomona, things will be better under the republic. A republic is a better form of government than a monarchy. It is far better to have our lives in the hands of honest politicians than in the hands of powerful sovereigns.”

“You think so, do you? Have you no brains? Never has there been an honest politician and even if there was one the corrupt political system would weed him out. Do you know that if you stood up to your friend ‘the president’ right now he would shoot you on the spot?”

“That isn’t so, Pomona. Please don’t be this way.”

“Innocenzio, you have been misled. A prince is raised to rule. He is taught from his birth the affairs of the state. Like a blacksmith teaches his craft to his son, so does a king teach his craft to the prince who will one day rule with experience a politician could never have. It is like an old family recipe, passed down for generation and perfected through time. How can a republic offer anything to compare to that?”

“I don’t know,” Innocenzio frowned.

“A kingdom is ruled by a loving family. The king is father to all his people, for he strives to help them improve themselves, he takes care of them, and he watches them grow into good people. A king does not rule a nation, he raises it. He loves it like a son. By killing your king you have committed regicide as well as patricide. May God have mercy on us. Innocenzio, what have you done?”

“Pomona, please!”

“Go away, Innocenzio! I never want to see you again!” Pomona shouted.

Innocenzio stormed off, tears flooding his eyes. His vision blurred, he ran straight into Desiderio and toppled over backward.

“Innocenzio, what is the matter?” Desiderio asked.

“She refused me. She never wants to see me again. She reprimanded me for supporting the republic,” Innocenzio sobbed.

“What right does she have to refuse you? You may have her if you want her. She is yours. Go take her,” Desiderio suggested.

“President, she is a person, not an object for my possession. Does she have no rights? This is, after all, a republic. We must rule for the people.”

“She is in the minority, a dissident. Dissidents are not people.” Desiderio growled.

“No!” Innocenzio cried. “You are a monster!”

Innocenzio fled from the tyrant. He fled for his life, for he knew that if Desiderio caught him now he too would be killed. He stormed down the winding roads until he could run no longer. He sought asylum in an abandoned bakery. As he caught his breath, he heard rustling in the kitchen.

“Who is there?” he demanded.

Upon investigating he found a poor man scrounging for leftover food in the kitchen. His clothes had been torn to shreds and he looked quite dishevelled.

“Are you well?” Innocenzio asked the man.

“I am not, sir,” the man responded. “I am called Volney. I have been reduced to nothing by the corruption of politicians and the revolution. My house has been burned, my property seized, and my wife carried off by savage revolutionaries. My children, taking opposing sides, killed one another. I am left with nothing.”

“Can I help?” Innocenzio begged, hoping for some way he might redeem himself.

“There is little you can do, friend. Once power is placed in the hands of politicians they will demand more. There is no getting it back. Soon all our liberties will be gone. The king is no longer here to protect us, to serve us. And without someone in the government who actually cares for us, I am left to starve. The king provided care for the lowly and downtrodden. The republic will serve only itself.”

“Can nothing be done for us, sir?” Innocenzio pleaded.

“Nothing can be done here, friend. It is too late. Things will improve. The government will realise it needs the people to raise food for them and to be taxed. It will establish schools and hospitals and enough infrastructure to keep us alive and productive. They will reap what we sow and we will let them. Their schools will teach our children that monarchies are evil and that republics are just and righteous and there will be no one willing to mount an insurrection. After all, what politician will restore the monarchy when without it their power is unlimited? Men desire power and money. The king was all that stood in the way of that. Why would they bring him back?”

“Then we must flee to another monarchy,” Innocenzio suggested hopefully.

“We could do that, but there are politicians everywhere. Very soon the other monarchies will fall victim to the want, gluttony, and lust of men. All we can do is live until we are brought to heaven, the only kingdom that can never be destroyed by republics.”

“But we must try to stop this. There must be something we can do to bring justice back to the world. Anything,” pleased Innocenzio.

“We must always work towards the reinstitution of monarchies the world over. We must educate those who do not understand the merits of monarchy. But until we have a strong resistance to the great evil that is republicanism, until we can stop their propaganda machine, until all the people of the world decide they have had enough, nothing will change. We will continue to elect the most corrupt people to lead us. Only those who can cheat, lie, and steal make it to the ballot and those few innocents that do make the ballot are corrupted the moment they are given an office.” Volney explained.

Innocenzio could bear no more of this. He would not stand by and watch the people enslave themselves under the ruse of democracy. He could stand the guilt no longer and promptly gobbled arsenic.

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar?

2010-03-12T00:25:00.006Z

...Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.

Looking for more ways to improve your social standing? God forbid one should be mistaken for a bourgeois, or worse: a common proletarian. Nothing can give you the appearance of fine breeding and over-education than knowledge of Latin.

Most people neglect to learn Latin because "it is a dead language" or "it isn't applicable today". Well you aren't most people, are you? Of course you aren't. If you were, you wouldn't be reading this article or frequenting this aethernet journal. One of the best things about Latin is that it is applicable today. It is useful for learning foreign languages and even picking up new words in your own language. You'd be surprised how many words are rooted in Latin. It is also helpful in law, politics, medicine, and science. It's also a good tool for Catholics to have under their belts. Most importantly, Latin can be mixed in with everyday English. Nothing shuts up an arrogant opponent like throwing in the occasional ergo, ipso facto, or cum grano salis.

Knowing Latin says to the world, "I'm brighter than the rest, and I know things that others don't just because I can!" Latin, like French, is a language of the elite. It was used for centuries by gentry, philosophers, and diplomats. I cannot express enough just how much esteem you can earn for yourself by learning what other people deem pointless. So enroll in the class at school, pick up a copy of Latin For Dummies, or sign up for a course at your local community college. It really isn't that difficult.

Start by looking up your family motto. Chances are it will be in Latin. Good, well-bred families have mottos, but more importantly they use them. If your family doesn't have a motto, make one up (in Latin, obvious). Supplement your family motto with a Latin personal motto. It should be something that reflects your personality, standards, and morals. Find ways to use these mottos and be prepared to translate them and explain the significance to those too unfortunate to understand Latin.

Pick up a book of useful Latin phrases and incorporate them into your daily conversations. If you can say it in Latin, you should. And if you do decide to take a formal course in Latin, be sure to tell people that you are reading Latin, not studying Latin or learning Latin (e.g. I'm reading Latin at Oxford). Remember, people may be quick to say that Latin is a worthless language today, but they are the same people who will exhault you as a genius when you rattle off in Latin.

The Gilded Tongue

2010-03-10T21:44:00.003Z

A defining characteristic of the well-bred haut monde is their superior intellect, cultivated by attending public English boarding schools and marked most obviously by their refined, expansive vocabulary. A gentleman speaking confidently with eloquence will be instantly regarded higher than one who blunders about speaking plainly like a savage plebeian. One of the greatest things you can do to improve your standing is to brush up on less-common words.

Words don't necessarily have to be ridiculously large to be a superior alternative to ordinary words. Find words that are more obscure, especially ones deemed 'archaic' or those with obvious Latin roots. Flamboyance in speech breaks the monotony and people will welcome you as a breath of fresh air in comparison to the proletarians with whom they are used to speaking.

I recommend a series of books by Peter Bowler for expanding one's vocabulary to include more eccentric verbage. The series includes The Superior Person's Book of Words, The Superior Person's Second Book of Weird & Wondrous Words, The Superior Person's Third Book of Well-Bred Words, and The Superior Person's Field Guide to Deceitful, Deceptive, & Downright Dangerous Language. Additionally, I would strongly recommend The Gilded Tongue by Rod L. Evans, Ph.D.

Cotton-Clad Clutches

2010-03-10T02:23:00.003Z

For those of you who are on a small allowance and find yourselves in a position where you have a bit of extra cash, you might consider investing in a pair of white cotton gloves. White cotton gloves are easily available, and at low prices to boot.

An important accessory in every dandy's wardrobe, gloves were often worn by gentlemen for dress occasions during the Victorian and Edwardian periods and make a unique and stylish addition to modern dress attire. It is suggested by a number of period etiquette books that it was considered highly improper and crude by Victorians to allow a man's bare hands to touch a woman, thus giving gloves a practical use in addition to their foppish charm.

White cotton gloves are an essential for every gentleman. Pick up a pair when you can spair a few guineas. They are often available at military surplus stores, but if you have trouble finding them, the internet has everything. We recommend the Gentleman's Emporium.

Counter-Culture: The Death of Humanity

2010-03-01T20:51:00.007Z

Society today has been ripped at the seams by several small groups of socially awkward teenagers attempting to make a statement. There is no escaping it, nor any use sugar-coating it. I myself am a young person, so before anyway says, "You're just another grouchy old man complaining about the younger generation," bear in mind that I am from the younger generation. Simply put, counter-culture has wrought havoc on society, brought an end to humanity, and utterly murdered the concept of community.

Counter-culture became an issue with the rejection of 1950s social norms by the youth of the 1960s. Yes, readers, some of you may have even participated in the wretched revolution. Strange to be reprimanded by someone far younger than you, isn't it? As society began to increasingly place the influence on the individual, the concept of institutions and community began to decline. We aren't suggesting blind conformity, but individualism has gone too far. This is a result of a society of dash selfishness and heathen pretentiousness which firmly believes that the individual is more important than the whole. This belief is erroneous and immoral.

We have come to a point today where these counter-cultures have become laughable. What are they rebelling against? Institutions? What institutions? They have destroyed them. Corporatism? They are only feeding corporatism. Look at the shops; they are loaded with hideous counter-culture clothing and novelties. Obviously someone is buying that rubbish. The truth is that these 'social rebels' don't know why they are part of the counter-culture. They simply do it for the sake of doing it.

After decades of various forms of damaging counter-culture we are left without a mainstream culture. What, then, are these people speaking out against? It seems like everyone today is trying to make a statement, but who can hear it when everyone is making statements all at once? It has gotten to the point that it is no longer different to be different. For those who truly wish to go against the grain and stand out, this is my advice: Conform; no one else is.

Counter-culture has died. It has faded away and is no more. The sad truth of the matter is that because counter-culture has driven a stake through the heart of society and its norms, there can be nothing to counter. The goofy clothing and repulsive behaviour of these cultures have not gone, but we can no longer call them counter-cultures. Are they just fashion statements, then? They certainly have no greater message behind them today. Counter-cultures in the past fought against what they believed to be "out-dated" social norms and values. I'd still like to know why something is automatically considered "out-dated" just because it is old. Clearly it has served us well since the beginning of humanity. Why change it now? Just because we can?

In summary, this is my point: if we are to pull ourselves up as a society from the grave we have dug ourselves into then we must pull together. We must throw out these ugly counter-cultures and return to community. We must stop changing just for the sake of changing. We must be willing to give up our own self-interest, our desire to "stand out" and be "independent individuals", at least to some degree, and place this emphasis back on the family, the community, the nation, the institution, the church. We have left these things for dead, bleeding from the wounds inflicted by hipsters, emos, and punks. I promise you, though, that like the infant in the womb of his mother we will not live if we allow our loving mother, community, to die. Throw out the ugly clothes, stop painting your nails black, and come back to the real world. Return to the past for the sake of our future.

One Can Never Have Too Many...

2010-02-25T10:12:00.001Z

A proper fop can never have too many socks. If essential it is to have a wide variety of shoes (and it is), then it is equally essential to have a fine collection of socks. Socks of the average sort, like black, white, brown, and navy, are but the bare minimum. Utilisation of subtle matching comes of as quite foppish (just don't overdo it). Matching one's tie with one's socks, providing it does not conflict with shoe colour, is a way to draw attention to detail from even the sort of people who are less inclined to notice. We advise adding a splash of colour to a more neutral, plain outfit with the artful usage of bright socks in hues like bright blue, red, or emerald green. Yellow and pink may be pushing it a bit, though paler shades of these colours could be put to use if tied into the proper togs. As with fine wine, use this technique in moderation to avoid looking silly.

Another important (and perhaps more obvious) necessity is the tie. One simply cannot own enough ties. And, of course, one must own a selection of repp ties if one is to be taken seriously as a dandy. Avoid overly colourful patterns and anything that could come off as gaudy. Sometime the simplicity of a solid colour does the job. Regemental and collegiate ties are also very telling of breeding if they are appropriate to wear. Alternatively, stripes in family colours are nice. Apart from the common neck tie, a good handful of bow ties is strongly advised and, if you're especially dapper, a few ascots and, of course, cravats. Nothing beats a white satin cravat with a fine waistcoat.

It might also be added that a good set of sock braces is next to essential in keeping a pristine appearance by keeping those socks wrinkle-free. I can only imagine the embarassment one might endure by flashing a pair of socks bunched up at the ankles.

We're Back!

2010-02-24T20:34:00.004Z

First things first, I'd like to apologise to my faithful following for my silence of late. I had no intentions of delaying publication for so long but time has gotten away from me as my schedule overflowed over a fortnight ago. Things have been so hectic that I neglected to publish, which I regret most severly. Nevertheless we are up and running once more, back and better than ever.

Also, dear readers, you will note I mentioned a merge of Thronum Dei's archives into Swell & Dandy. We're still working on this. If all the technical nonsense works out (God help us), we should have that up very soon.

Thanks to all who stuck with us through this minor rough patch, and keep the feedback coming. Dominus Vobiscum.

P.

A Royal Collaboration

2010-01-28T12:34:00.000Z

A dear friend of mine who also happens to be a monarchist and blogger, Lord Soleil, has decided that he no longer has the time to maintain his pro-monarchy blog, "Thronum Dei", which has been inactive for exactly one year as of today. After a bit of collaboration we've decided that in order to preserve his articles, all of which pre-date Swell & Dandy, they will be imported to Swell & Dandy's archives.

The articles, which focus primarily on monarchy related news and various other monarchist tidbits like the monarchist manifesto (which can also be found at S&D), will be stored in our archives and listed as Lord Soleil's works. This 'merge' should not effect the rest of the content of Swell & Dandy.

I should point out, I suppose, that this merge is tentative. Both Lord Soleil and myself are rather technologically impaired, so providing we can figure out just what the devil we're doing we'll have these articles made available in our archives very soon.

French: The Language of the Elite

2010-01-15T16:40:00.006Z

As someone who finds languages to be fascinating and one of a proper gentleman's many important tools, I thought this article would be very appropriate for our English speakers who are considering (or should be considering) learning a second (or third) language. The ability to speak to someone in their native tongue, whether they can communicate with you in yours or not, is often crucial in giving you the charm that will set you apart as a proper gentleman. Any good dandy or aristocrat will be well learned in the world's languages. The French language should be top priority for you, especially if you want to rub elbows with Europe's finest.

The French language is the language of the elite. It was used by royalty, aristocracy, and, of course, dandies. Even Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly's "Dandyism", widely considered to be a dandy's handbook, was originally written in French. Many dandies were themselves French, but even English dandies would do well to know French, visiting France often not only to obtain proper attire but also as a place to lay low when funds had dried up.

Between the 17th and 20th centuries, thanks to the Enlightenment and French colonisation, France became the leading power in Europe and spread the language even further across the globe between the 17th and 18th centuries. The French language quickly became the langua franca of diplomacy in Europe. French was also the language embraced by the royal courts of Europe, including the English court, the Russian court, the German court, the Italian court and even some overseas, including the Egyptian royal court in the 19th century. The imperial family of Russia held on to the French language until the bitter end; they were forced to stop speaking French amongst themselves when the communists held them prisoner so that the guards could understand them and they managed to smuggle correspondence to the outside world written in -you guessed it- French.

French is a fine language; one of the finest. I advocate learning it and using it as much as possible. It is a beautiful (and even sexy) language, so it will certainly give you a boost in the romance department. While French may no longer be crucial in the realm of diplomacy or business as it once was, it is certainly crucial for anyone hoping to participate in the wonderful snobbery of the upper class. As a side note, I also recommend Latin. While I am well aware that many schools today (especially in America) disregard Latin, it is important not only in the fields of religion, linguistics, history, medicine, and law, but also in establishing oneself as a well-educated gentleman.

À l'immortalité de la langue française!

En outre, bon anniversaire, R.

Percival's Aphorisms

2010-01-13T11:34:00.001Z

Over time I have collected a number of my own statements that serve quite well as quotable aphorisms or mantras. I thought it might be interesting to include some of them on Swell & Dandy, considering they are relevant to the content of the blog. Some of them are silly and amusing, others more thought provoking. Feel free to quote me, so long as I am credited.

"Sometimes, when I'm in the mood for something racy, I listen to 20's music."

"Though my fountain pen has soiled many a white satin cravat, using it is worth it for the instant elegance it provides."

"I can only imagine the number of sour grapes one must consume in order to keep one's face scrunched up enough to hold a monocle in place."

"Patience is a virtue - especially when ordering bespoke."

"Political correctness is incorrectness with a fancy title."

"Cleanliness is next to godliness, but it is only the first step in being a dandy."

"The most critical mark of the aristocracy is their extreme attention to detail even when no one else notices."

"One of the few positives to come from democratic society is the ability for everyone to have the grace, class, and intellect of the aristocracy. What a great paradox it is, then, that in democratic societies these qualities are overlooked and no one seizes this opportunity."

"What good Christian does not recognise the right of God to appoint kings?"

"Slipping into a well-fitted wool coat is like rediscovering a long-lost friend."

"The greatest issue facing Christianity today is that the tolerance our faith teaches us leaves us vulnerable to liberalism and heresy. It is one thing to be tolerant of those who do not share our Christian beliefs, but it is another entirely to allow them to harm our faith and affect our morals."
"Society has no right to dictate morality, yet when they are too weak to uphold the morals God has established for them they try to substitute their own, to modernise."

Keep It Coming...

2010-01-11T12:34:00.000Z

Special thanks to all who left comments, emailed me, became a facebook fan, or followed the blog. It's a pleasure to serve you. God bless!

A Dandy's Nightdress

2010-01-10T11:46:00.000Z

While there are certainly an interesting variety of blogs and websites devoted to discussing the art of dandy dress very few, if any, have addressed the topic of pajamas. Pajamas are certainly an important aspect of men's clothing and no chivalrous dandy would even dream of leaping between the sheets au naturel. Furthermore, any self-respecting gentleman should avoid being seen in his pajamas at all costs, mind you it never hurts to be prepared at to look one's best at all times. One never knows when one might be caught off guard in an indecent state (for this same reason we also recommend wearing only the finest gent's undergarments, which shall henceforth be referred to as 'u-' for the sake of our lady readers).

While a gent's nightshirt is more liberating, we feel it is not suitable attire to be seen in, should someone barge in unannounced, thus it shall be categorised with 'u-' and au naturel as inappropriate night attire. We recommend something with full-length trousers and a long sleeved button-up shirt in matching patterns or solid colours. We recommend Brooks Brothers which, according to the staff of Valet magazine, "has an array of civilised sleepwear for the pipe-smoking set".

Apart from your ordinary pajamas, you'll still need a dressing gown and a pair of slippers. We recommend that you make an effort to match the colours of your robe, pajamas, and slippers if at all possible. For slippers, we recommend something in velvet and from either Stubbs & Wootton or Shipton & Heneage.

Spoil Yourself: Eat Breakfast

2010-01-09T10:04:00.002Z

I can't believe I actually have to suggest this, but in the modern era where people often skip out on anything that might take longer than five minutes breakfast is quickly becoming a thing of the past. The BBC reports that according to medical research, those who skip out on breakfast have an increased chance of developing diabetes, becoming obese, or having a heart attack. The benefits of eating a healthy breakfast include a boost in metabolism, increased energy, lower cholesterol, and improved concentration. Apart from all of that it provides another opportunity for a family to be united at the table.

The idea for writing this little article was actually sparked by my sitting down and eating breakfast. I thought as I bit into my toast how such few people relish this tasty meal each day. Such a pity it seemed. While I enjoy a full fry-up myself, I often settle down for something as simple as toast, tea, and a hard-boiled egg, which is precisely what I did this morning. I'm just as busy as the next chap, if not more. Ergo, readers, there is no excuse for skipping this meal but sheer and unadulterated laziness. I challenge you all to sit down with your family and have a good, home-cooked breakfast. Read a newspaper as well (a real, paper newspaper, not some digital rag). You'll find the satisfaction afterwards is worth every bit of the little time and effort you put forth to prepare it. I give you my word, you'll have a far better day than you would have had otherwise.

The Escapades of Percival "Pac" Man, Esq.

2010-01-07T12:34:00.000Z

I came across this late last year and found it to be just the sort of eccentricism my readers would enjoy. Hope you find it as hilarious as did I.

Found at Eegra, Cartoon by Patrick Alexander

The Twilight Effect

2010-01-06T19:09:00.000Z

Photo by Sasha Eisenman, InStyle

Twilight, and pop culture's obsession with Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen, is a topic that I have been making an effort to avoid for some time now. Despite all my efforts, it has become next to impossible, especially as Pattinson becomes more and more a pop icon. Girls (and often their mothers) chase after him and gents adapt his style. Let me begin, first of all, by pointing out that in most cases I find Pattinson's carefree disregard for personal hygiene to be far from something I intend to imitate and I can't say I much fancy his usual sloppiness either. That being said, I feel Pattinson is certainly someone to follow in the realm of prep culture and dandyism.

I avoided this topic for two reasons, one I expect is obvious, but the other may come as a shock to my readers. The first reason is that the topic, while far from racy, is controversial. There are two sorts of people in the world: those who love Twilight and those who loathe it. Perhaps, then, it was for the sake of diplomacy that I avoided the topic. The second reason is that those who know me personally are irrevocably convinced that I look strikingly like Edward Cullen. I won't go into it, but to put it simply it would likely be easier to list those who do compare me (regularly I might add, and much to my horror) to this Cullen chap as to those who do not. I've come to the conclusion that it has a lot to do with my pale-as-porcelain complexion, my narrow and angular face, and of course my strikingly similar hair. By the time you throw in my archaic mannerisms and verbiage, you might as well call me 'Ed' (but not really, as that sort of thing usually results in my turning every shade of red). But enough of my rambling...

Pattinson, while usually wearing very casual street clothes, has stated, "I do like the 'expensive but disheveled' thing if I am going out." When dressed nicely, Pattinson cleans up rather well. The somewhat-sloppy-semi-formal look he sometimes sports is dashing in a way. It's the character he plays in Twilight, however, that has our attention at Swell & Dandy. For those who don't follow Twilight, Edward Cullen was born in 1901 (late Victorian era/early Edwardian). Thus his behaviour is very neo-Victorian. Even the hair gives the impression of something that might have been sported by a Victorian dandy, though with a bit of a modern twist, as if it's been developed and adapted for 109 years. While Mister Pattinson may be inclined towards more 'casual dress', on screen as Edward he seems quite the modern dandy.

Peacoats have easily increased in popularity since the Twilight film's debut, much to our approval. New Moon's three-quarter length, double-breasted grey frock was also very fashionable and more European. If nothing else, Pattinson's role in Twilight has given modern chaps a good model to follow for mixing the styles of today with the grace and flare of the Victorians. Long story short, neutral and dark colours, well-fitting trousers, button-down shirts, layered clothing, and wool coats are the way to go. Twilight is making the 'forever 1901' fashion the next big thing. I'll certainly be interested to see what Pattinson does for the dandy and new Victorian fashion world while he's in the spotlight.

Can't get enough of Rpattz's clothes? Well have a go at this rather silly game.

A Better Man in One Month

2010-01-04T23:54:00.002Z

Hello, chaps! No time for a New Year's resolution this year? Out of ideas? Tired of vain attempts at the same resolution year in and year out? Well, we've got good news for our readers. During my usual browsing for dandy-related literature, articles, and other various tidbits I came across a variety of guides designed to help a gentleman become a better man in 30-31 days.

The first guide comes from a charming blog called The Art of Manliness, a guide to help turn an ordinary man into a proper gentleman. From what little I've seen of this blog thus far, it has all ready caught my interest. I'm very excited to explore it further, but first I must share with you their "Be a Better Man in 30 Days" article. I've only just glanced over this myself, but it looks quite promising. I shall certainly be examining it further.

The second and third guides are from Valet magazine. They've compiled a series of annual 'handbook' guides which are intended to be used in place of an ordinary resolution, beginning 1 January. The first volume was finished at the end of January 2009 and is still available on their website. The second volume began 1 January 2010 and isn't finished yet. New articles are being posted each day, so try to catch up the first few steps and you'll be right on track to follow the guide day-to-day until 1 February. Both volumes can be found here.

Prudent Parlour Party

2010-01-04T12:34:00.001Z

Do you hold that Victorian 'we-are-not-amused' attitude? Well then these Victorian era parlour games, courtesy of BBC, may provide you with the wholesome family fun you crave. After all, in today's realm of overstimulated video-game junkies and families where both parents work, we could all use some good Christian family bonding.

The Sculptor

1. Choose one player to be 'the sculptor'.
2. All other players stand in a completely still position, as if made from stone.
3. The sculptor will then move the other players into peculiar positions that are difficult to hold.
4. Other players must not laugh, move, or break position in anyway.
5. The sculptor may distract other players or encourage them to laugh, but may not touch them, with the exception of moving them into peculiar positions.
6. The first player to move or laugh loses and becomes the sculptor and the process begins again.

How? What? Where? When?

1. One player should think of the name of an object. hint: make things more difficult by thinking of words with multiple meanings. e.g.: Male (masculine), Mail (letters), and mail (armour).
2. The other players try to discover by asking the following questions only once:

How do you like it?
Why do you like it?
When do you like it?
Where do you like it?

3. Player one must answer the questions truthfully, but may alternate between meanings as appropriate for each question.
4. The person who guesses it first wins and takes the place of player one.

The Laughing Game

1. All players sit in a circle.
2. Each player takes it in turns to say "Ha", "Ho", or "Hee".
3. The first player to laugh loses and is out of the game.
4. Continue until only one person is left.
5. The person who manages to hold out the longest is the winner.

Courtesy of BBC

A Plethora of Interesting Websites

2010-01-01T00:01:00.001Z

Over the past fortnight I have stumbled across a plethora of interesting websites. It seems strange, even for me, to have come across so many Victorian or dandy related webpages in such a slight time frame, but all the same here they are for your review. Enjoy and happy new year!

Blogs
Unabashedly Prep
Fine and Dandy Shop
Not in Front of the Servants
Ivy Style
Dandyism.net

Shopping
The Gentleman's Emporium
The Sutlers Stores
Ivey Abitz
River Junction Trade Co.
Stubbs & Wootton
Fine and Dandy Shop

Foreign Language
Les Nouveaux Dandys